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Teen Poetry #4
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cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

0 posted 2001-04-27 09:36 AM


Tears trickled down
Her cracked porcelain face.
Crimson lips quivered
Like delicate spider lace.

Internal vision blurred
As her soul cried within.
Retching out rejection.
The healing cannot yet begin.

Minds' body broken
Through Loves' insatiable thirst.
Insanitys' brink crossed
In a world where white is cursed.


© Copyright 2001 cherish - All Rights Reserved
SEA
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Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2001-04-27 09:45 AM


.....wow.....
vixengrl04
Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495
East Haddam, CT
2 posted 2001-04-27 10:16 AM


Hey,
    I really like this.  The words that you chose worked really well and I think you did a good job expressing yourself.  Its sad though...  I wish you could be happy.  

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

anonymous albert ?
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-04-27 12:55 PM


i really liked the way u written this poem..
awesome job on tellin ur emotions..
i really enjoyed this one..great poem
keep writing

p.s...its albert!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
4 posted 2001-04-27 01:35 PM


Don't mind Alberta.  

I have to say that this poem really did strike me as wonderful, very creative wording and organization.  Awesome job, Cherish.  
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
5 posted 2001-04-27 10:12 PM


Cherish you know I loved the poem....sent a whole e-mail on it trying to help you hehe.
I loved it....liked the corrections too....
Great job, as usual!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Elvenblood
Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409
Maine, USA
6 posted 2001-04-28 08:33 AM


     Woah...ha, I don't know what that did to me, but that hit hard!  BANG! I LOVE it!  It's strong, yet somehow soft to me, but I don't know, I'm weird anyway! (Weird - orginal: same bleep different pile)

anyway, into library, and post another!

No angels in heaven nor demons below the sea, could ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee

Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
7 posted 2001-05-01 12:03 PM


Cherish, this is a beautiful poem.  The descriptions really made me think.  Wonderful job.. I liked this quite a lot.
Nicely done.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
8 posted 2001-05-01 01:10 PM


the images in this poem are greally wonderful, i really like the wording of this piece.  the flow was pretty good throughout too.  great job on this, keep posting your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Linc
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Senior Member
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy
9 posted 2001-05-01 01:32 PM


Hey,

    I agree with Marie this is really great and I enjoyed reading it its superb even! I am putting it in my library. Until your next masterpeice

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
10 posted 2001-05-02 07:31 PM


wow...
im happy that you guys enjoyed it sooo much   it means a lot to me (elephants javvie.. )
thanx EVERYBODY!!!
you guys are the bestest

"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

Postman Pat
Junior Member
since 2001-08-05
Posts 23
The Great Land DownUnder
11 posted 2001-08-06 12:31 PM


AHH. Now this is one that I remember reading! I really like this poem- you know that much already dontcha bebe?
For some reason it sounds more like a "real" poem or something like that-maybe because it rhymes and all that. I think you did very well on this one- again i know that the situation and all that sux- but you wrote it well.
Love ya!

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