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Teen Poetry #4
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Fading Away
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since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

0 posted 2001-04-26 09:00 PM


I'm leaving for a few days.. This is the last post before I go.   I hope you don't miss me too much    I'll come back and read everyone's stuff I've missed  
Everyone write beautiful poetry for me to come to, okay?
Alrighty then..    Now for my poem...
------------------------------------------------------------------
Saving Grace

I know a girl with
Bloody hands and bare feet.
And she always hangs her head as we
Pass shoulders,
As if I’m a dusty emblem,
Representing something
She doesn’t have...
Her lips are covered with ashen lies,
But they still called her beautiful,
And the rest were only clans of followers,
With dirty fingernails
And unparted hair...
I save my sorrows until after dark,
When the flowers nearly burst
With their own perfumes,
And the sky is almost fluid,
Like gray liquor,
But there are too many moonrises to watch,
And I just don’t have enough words
To paint them with.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

© Copyright 2001 Jennifer Floyd - All Rights Reserved
Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
1 posted 2001-04-26 09:06 PM


I really enjoyed this poem marie.....wow.
The ending was great and the whole theme of the poem rocked. WELl done, very well done. I see how your poetry is improving along with every new post you put up here. I am always impressed by your work. Looking forward to your next poem after you come back from wherever it is you're going  

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Crystalina123
Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 228

2 posted 2001-04-26 09:12 PM


I'm reading this poem and I think I"ve got it. Then I read it a second or a third time and I get another meaning out of it. The poem reminds of an army of mindless followers who blindly follow societies norms. I'm not sure if I'm on track here, but either way, I really like this poem.

"I'll be your crying shoulder, I'll be the greatest fan of your life."
"You don't love her because she's beautiful. She's beautiful because you love

Allan Riverwood
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since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
3 posted 2001-04-26 09:24 PM


Outstanding work, Marie!  This is really really good, it had the feel that "hate" did.  I love your usage of similies, your creative wordings... and
"I save my sorrows until after dark,
When the flowers nearly burst
With their own perfumes"
THAT part is incredible.  Awesome work.  
One of my favourites, a milestone that goes to my library.  
Can't wait to see you return.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

anonymous albert ?
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4 posted 2001-04-27 02:59 AM


wowww
great poem...
awesome description..
i really liked this one..
but i'm sad 2 hear u r leavin'
hope u come back soon
since i'll be missin ur poetry and of course u the most..
anyways..
have fun wherever u r headin
and write some poetry there..
alright then..
cya..

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
5 posted 2001-04-27 09:44 AM


kays i woke up
this was great!so sad.
im addin it to my library

As if I’m a dusty emblem,
Representing something
She doesn’t have...
Her lips are covered with ashen lies,
But they still called her beautiful,
^ loved that
tiff

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

"at the touch of love anyone becomes a poet"

[This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (edited 04-27-2001).]

vixengrl04
Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495
East Haddam, CT
6 posted 2001-04-27 10:21 AM


I definitely like this.  It's kinda got a sad, somber, and yet spooky theme to it.  At least that's what I felt when I read it.  Good work.  

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

Heavens Tears
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Posts 677

7 posted 2001-04-27 12:15 PM


Beautiful poem.  It has a really strong meaning.  Very nice!

*~*Amanda*~*

My tears roll right down my cheeks, but they all soak into my pillow.  I feel kinda sorry for it...

Linc
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Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy
8 posted 2001-04-27 02:49 PM


Hey,

      *Sniff* I will miss you * I loved the poem and now I am going to go cry some more :'( bye  

      -- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Child of the Stars
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since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
9 posted 2001-04-27 03:31 PM


Cripes Marie.......oh man this was good...Don't go for too long, I'll miss your talent too much...Have a sunshine day and many more for when you're away...Yeah this is goin into the library...man....sheesh...wow....ok I'm done...
  ~Carly

"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.  And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was often-times filled with your tears."   ~Kahil Gibran

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
10 posted 2001-04-28 04:22 PM


There are so many times that i read something you've written and i finish it in awe of your talent.  the images are incredible and your words only slightly less beautiful than you    i miss you baby, come back to me soon.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Fading Away
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Lynchburg, Virginia
11 posted 2001-05-03 03:35 PM


Wow, you guys.  Thanks for the replies!  I'm glad everyone liked it.  

--Marie

Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
12 posted 2001-12-11 11:28 AM


Holy crap Marie!!! *faints*
This is...just wowish. I LOVE how you wrote this. No one could possible write it better if they tried!!

I have nothing to say that could possibly give you enough praise so I'll say well done and leave it at that.

~AF~

"Always keep focus on your dreams because most often than not that's all you'll have." - Javier

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