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Teen Poetry #4
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A Hillside's His'try Lies
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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A Hillside's His'try Lies |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI 
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The hillside flourishes with light, Its night--abashed. Now in her flight, A mockingbird begins her tale Of idle minds and bodies frail... "There lies the grave of Susan Elle, A wisp of beauty not to tell. A pair of hazel jewels were worn, Contrasting with a world forlorn. Sweet lady cherished children gems. Equipped with needle, set to hem A broken wing, a fraying trust; Her gentle touch, never unjust. Civilians, much too bored with kind and simple ways of simple minds, Without glancing to what's ahead, Leaped at the chance to conceive dread. Susan was dubbed a witch; deserved, Must serve to die on sunset's birth. Her body, cut with ropes too tight Was burned on Hatred's mournful night. A woeful tear fell and dissolved Within the flames of death, evolved Into a deaf'ning scream. Only The moon comforted what was seen..." Absorb these words behind your eyes Where hist'ry nestles, rots and dries... *****NOTE: Last couplet by Allan Riverwood.***** |
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| © Copyright 2001 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved | |||
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
wow..great job carly on the poem u knoe? and of course allan did a wonderful on the last but..yea great 2 c u again real glad 2 c ur poems also  but ey on the poem tho.. this had wonderful description and wordings i liked lots..another awesome job enjoyed much by me..cya  ...?death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
that was great. Really good work. I don't have any critique cause I thought the whole thing was good. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, WOW this is very good i liked it alot and its going into my library this is a powerful poem you and allan did a superb job. Until your next poem -- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
It's horrible to think of all the people who were killed because the rest of the world thought they were different. You describe all of this such depth... amazing work. Thanks for sharing.  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Wowowowowow this was GREAT carly! WOowwwwwwwwww this was so awesome. You amazed me with this one. You have so much talent carly. I am very impressed. BOOYA!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Gret job on the poem Carly, I really like this one. "Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is awesome Carly. I love how you started it out.. as the storyteller.. that was really neat. I have one critique. The flow was really nice throughout most of the poem, but in the fourth stanza, the flow was interrupted by different syllables in the last line. I think if there was one more syllable there it would flow much nicer. Other than that, this poem is amazing! I LOVED it! It's good to see that you're off grounding too  We missed ya!Nice work. --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
*struts* I get recongnition... hehe Always a pleasure to work with you Carly, although this was YOUR poem after all.  You know what I think of this one. You are just awesome, Carly. So awesome. and my couplet pales in comparison.  hehe...~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Awwww thanks so much... I love you guys...And Marie! Heh, thanks yeah I know its messed, and it isn't the syllable count, its the syllable stressiment. Hehe, that's not a word but I think ya know whut I mean...I'm working for an alternative to that one, cuz yer right its soo messed. Thanks again eberyone!! ~Carly "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was often-times filled with your tears." ~Kahil Gibran |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Bravo *stands up and applauds* |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I already told you how I feel about this poem. ~*standing ovation*~ "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
i enjoyed the read thoroughly and will be looking forward to reading more of your work... write on! |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
Carly, dont you ever stop writting such great poetry? I HOPE NOT! this is a really good poem and i loved it... |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
This is excellent Carly I absolutely loved it Maree oh and Acire, thanks for the link |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Excellent work Carly, I really enjoyed reading it. Zu |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
Wow, great piece. the wording of it was really beautiful and i really liked the images you presented in this. great job, keep posting all your work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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