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Fading Away
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since 03-14-2001
Posts 4302
Lynchburg, Virginia


0 posted 04-25-2001 07:57 PM       View Profile for Fading Away   Email Fading Away   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Fading Away

If you have any suggestions for the title, let me know.. anything you can think of would be much appreciated  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Even my footsteps sounded lonely,
Thudding ungracefully on the cold tile,
Echoing into a percussive theme song
I wasn't supposed to hear.
I pressed my hands to the window,
Struggling for a look
Into the night,
But my "warmth" only fogged the glass
And I found myself,
Once again,
Behind a self-inflicted wall...
Hesitantly I carved "H E L P" into the steam-
Letters facing forward,
As the only people who could save me
Were already inside.
Either way,
No one came to my rescue.
And as the rain turned to wind,
I walked back into the darkness,
Terrified the weather would follow me.
And even my footsteps
Sounded lonely.

--Marie



subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

[This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 04-26-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Jennifer Floyd - All Rights Reserved
anonymous albert ?
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1 posted 04-25-2001 08:02 PM       View Profile for anonymous albert ?   Email anonymous albert ?   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymous albert ?

title..ummmm "my souls lonely footsteps"?
jus a suggestion..hehe
but marie..i really enjoyed this one..
beautifully written and discription was wonderful also..
love ur work and keep writing

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

Spine Grinder
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since 10-28-2000
Posts 1147
Standing In Silence...


2 posted 04-25-2001 08:29 PM       View Profile for Spine Grinder   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Spine Grinder

I liked this poem. The title?......Well how bout HELP? Just a idea.ANYWAY I really liked this poem, nice job.
SEA
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with you


3 posted 04-25-2001 09:18 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

I don't know about a title...I think those are personal....this is great  
Dopey Dope
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4 posted 04-26-2001 12:24 AM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

This was great.....sounded lonely and sad....i hope all is well *hugs*

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

banburycross
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since 03-27-2001
Posts 1087
viginia


5 posted 04-26-2001 10:52 AM       View Profile for banburycross   Email banburycross   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for banburycross

This is a really wonderful piece, your words are so beautiful.  you expressed the mood of this poem incredibly well and  really conveyed the feeling of loneliness to the reader.  i got a chance to get on a computer really quick here in Boston to look up your most recent work and you never cease to amaze me (oh yeah, and for those of you who wondered, i've been away for about a week now).  anyway, i love you and i love your writing, keep posting your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Marshalzu
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Lurking


6 posted 04-26-2001 10:56 AM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

Wow this is awesome... It's definitely going in my library.  
Zu

" The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson

E-mail/Msn: Targetmrzu@hotmail.com

Godsend_1
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7 posted 04-26-2001 10:56 AM       View Profile for Godsend_1   Email Godsend_1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Godsend_1

i really liked this poem hun you really know how to express yourself in a vivid way i loved ot keep it up and a title well hmmmm i think 'the footsteps of my soul' sounds cool but ya know its your choice babe *hugs* keep it up i love ya

ben redshaw the great and now and forever totally in love

i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be......so deal with it

Linc
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The Backstreet Boy


8 posted 04-26-2001 11:09 AM       View Profile for Linc   Email Linc   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Linc

Hey,

      This is a excellent poem and I really enjoyed reading it. As for title suggestions I guess maybe “The words on the wall” or “Self-inflicted Wall” I don’t know. Yet another poem by you my favorite poet to go into my library. Thanks for taking the time to share. Until next time

        -- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Allan Riverwood
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9 posted 04-26-2001 08:16 PM       View Profile for Allan Riverwood   Email Allan Riverwood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allan Riverwood

I like "The words in the wall" but maybe "Carving the Steam?"  This one is a toughie...    
An excellent poem though!  Another very fine example of your talent, there are a lot of truly awesome phrases in here.  The last line hit hard... wonderful job!  One of your best.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

anonymousfemale
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 6304
Limbo


10 posted 12-11-2001 11:21 AM       View Profile for anonymousfemale   Email anonymousfemale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymousfemale

Man oh man...Marie, you are the Queen. *hands over a crown*
I have no idea for a title sorry but perhaps it is better left 'Untitled' for the simple fact of mystery in the piece.

I do love what you have written here. I can relate to it very well.

Thanks for sharing another awesome piece.  

~AF~

"Always keep focus on your dreams because most often than not that's all you'll have." - Javier

 
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