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Teen Poetry #4
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Violence
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Violence |
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Chel Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 511Baltimore, MD, USA |
Who Is To Blame? Another kid dead Someone shot up the school How could that be? Who is to blame? Parents, friends, music, or media You sit and wonder why how this could happen? This good, safe neighborhood This nice, quiet kid How could this happen? Another person dead Someone bombed a building How could that be? Who is to blame? Friends, music, self-esteem, or media You sit and wonder why this city? Another teenager dead Someone was driving under the influence How could that be? Who is to blame? Peron driving, bars, music, or media You sit and wonder why this student? Another student dead Someone overdosed on drugs How could that be Who is to blame? Parents, friends, music, or media You sit and wonder why this student? Violence occurs everyday. Its sad but true whether it be guns, drugs, alcohol, domestic violence, or just plain fighting it occurs everyday and someone always gets hurt. Please help everyone you meet. Because you mean the world to someone. I hope you like this piece it took a lot of thought. "True friends stab you in the front" "Never say 'I Love You' unless you mean it" [This message has been edited by Chel (edited 04-25-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Michelle Y. Plocinik - All Rights Reserved | |||
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
Good poem and good job at keeping to the format, enjoyed this one, ~ali 2Good |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
great job on the poem i liked it... enjoyed the meaning of the poem. it was so true and i dont jus c it in schools but on the streets, on the news..everyday but keep writng and thanks for sharing   ...?death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
yep it's a sad thing these days....but then again....hasn't the world always been plagued with violence? Anyhow, I enjoyed the poem.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Nice job on this one, but the last lines of each stanza could have had better punctuation. The first time I read them it didn't make any grammatical sense, almost like you forgot to finish the sentence. "You sit and wonder why this city..." why this city what? I would change it to be... You sit and wonder "why this city?" I think this would read better, I was a bit distracted by the punctuation. It's that way for every last line of the stanzas after the very first one.  The thoughts are good as well, we often feel the need to place the blame on people because we are defending the idea that it isn't we who are responsible, or perhaps we have a lot of anger that needs direction. Good poem. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This was pretty good. I liked the message and the idea. I do have a few critiques, though: The last stanza, after the line "You sit and wonder why this student?" I think that that should be the end of the that stanza. I think maybe you should put a break there. After that, I think the lines could be more organized. That would help the flow a tremendous amount. Nice job, though, and it is a very sad thing. I agree with you, I think the media is a big part of the problems in this world. Nice work. --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
I liked this very much.....thought provoking and well said SEA |
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