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Teen Poetry #4
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Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

0 posted 2001-04-25 01:25 PM


hey everyone.....im back for a whhile....ill be here off and on for a couple of months.

"Roughness of Life"

These eyes of life grow wild
Shadowed with the storms of yesterday
Swollen cheeks bleed in anger

Chorus(1st):
Pull me close, hold me dear
Take all of me, grip on to me
We can make it through this time
Roughness of life (2x)

Shout my name into the rain
And all you will hear is silence
My hunger burns holes in your heart
Shall I hold onto your shoulders?

Chorus(1st).......

Chorus (2nd)
Shatter our emotions
Destroy our lives
How does it feel to lose?

Chorus(1st).....(2x)

Chrorus(2nd0...(2x)

Regina

a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain

© Copyright 2001 Regina Levy - All Rights Reserved
LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

1 posted 2001-04-25 01:58 PM


I can't really judge songs, but this seems like a wonderful one. Your words are full on emotion and very well-written. Thanks for sharing.

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli
Blame Canada!

Starr
Member
since 2001-02-08
Posts 100

2 posted 2001-04-25 02:08 PM


This song is so nice...I liked it a lot.
It reminds me of some hard times in my life  
I glad I remembered though because it's those times which made me take a hold of what was left of my life then. I started moving forward and when things started to get tough again looked back so I can get the stength to move forward.
Love it, keep posting

Every action of our lives touches some chord that will vibrate in eternity.

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-04-25 03:58 PM


lalalalala....

oh! this was a great song..
as u could of seen.hehe...thanks 4 sharing..
and keep writing

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2001-04-25 05:45 PM


Hey Regi, may i put this in the digital magazine? Get back to me on this...send me a message on icq....i wanna ask you a few things about the song in private  

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
5 posted 2001-04-25 05:46 PM


Wonderful job on the song, Regina!  I really think this has a lot of potential.  
However when I started songwriting, Javier pointed out to me that I should be careful how much chorus I put in the song.  Your chorus absolutely dominates this song, are you sure that's really what you want?  If I were you I'd trim it down just a bit, or add more "verses."
Either way the wording of this song is marvelous, but some of the organization should be rearranged.     
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
6 posted 2001-04-25 08:49 PM


This is serious garbage....crap....everything you could think of.... ash it...its yucky....im not an organized person.

thats my message.

Regina

a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain

Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
7 posted 2001-04-26 08:48 PM


I really like this song!  I could almost put a tune to it.. Very nicely done!

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

bigfuzzybear
Junior Member
since 2001-04-29
Posts 11

8 posted 2001-04-29 11:19 PM


i like it! you can hold my shoulders:-*,
love you,
brad

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
9 posted 2001-05-09 11:58 AM


~*puts arms around Ina's waist and slow dances with her*~  
stay strong Ina

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

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