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DarkAngelOfTheStars
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 255

0 posted 2001-04-22 09:31 PM

There is a place between living and dying
A parallel universe

Various people get trapped here
Myself included

They develop comfort here
Dwelling on the pain that has brought them here

Not wanting to live
Or maybe not knowing how to

Some wishing to be pushed out one way or another

Desiring to be ok again
Praying to die

There is only two ways out of a parallel universe
Both seem almost impossible to grasp alone

never knock on deaths door and run......he hates that!!

sleepymoongirl
Member

since 2001-04-19

Posts 157
bc canada

1 posted 2001-04-22 09:49 PM

that was dark yet cool. i liked it very insightful keeps it up

as u go in life there will be ur hardships it is up to u if it makes u or breaks u.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

2 posted 2001-04-23 01:10 AM

This is actually quite good!  Although I'd have to say that you built me up for something and then didn't really take me where I wanted to go in the end.  Like you spent all that time buckling up my seatbelt, and didn't even start the car.
In other words, the ending could be expanded somewhat.  I'd really like to see where this is going.
A setting is a lot nicer if it has a story or event added.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

DarkAngelOfTheStars
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 255

3 posted 2001-04-23 06:26 AM

i know it seems unfinished! but i didnt know where to go....so ya know if i think of anything ill edit it

never knock on deaths door and run......he hates that!!

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2001-04-23 12:06 PM

"Desiring to be ok again
Praying to die"

This part hit me the hardest.
Very nice work here. I really like the way you used the couplets. Nicely done.
Enjoyed.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Godsend_1
Member

since 2001-04-19

Posts 247
great state of illinois

5 posted 2001-04-23 04:18 PM

i thought the same as good old allan ya know but i really enjoyed it also your really good keep it up hun later

i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be......so deal with it

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

6 posted 2001-04-23 04:55 PM

i liked this alot....
very interestin
on what u had in this poem
keep writing

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

7 posted 2001-04-23 05:33 PM

Wow this was awesome. Nice job, keep it up.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

8 posted 2001-04-24 04:17 PM

Yea i thought this was quite good, but what are the two ways? I'm very interested.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

DarkAngelOfTheStars
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 255

9 posted 2001-04-24 04:42 PM

I have an idea and im working on it! so hold up.....and ill post the *new* poem on here soon.......ok i have a question too what do the white envelopes mean???

[This message has been edited by DarkAngelOfTheStars (edited 04-24-2001).]

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