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Teen Poetry #4
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Sabriel.s.h.lover
Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 73
b.f.e. aka- Hickville

0 posted 2001-04-22 07:15 PM



A heart slowly breaknig,
is only her's.
It increases every time,
he pushes her down.
It breaks even more,
when he smacks her around.
A heart slowly breaking,
is only her's.
It increases every time,
he swears and he shouts.
It breaks even more,
when he punches and he beats.
A heart slowly broke,
when she's lying in her grave............

[This message has been edited by Sabriel.s.h.lover (edited 04-23-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Angelina - All Rights Reserved
Sabriel.s.h.lover
Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 73
b.f.e. aka- Hickville
1 posted 2001-04-22 07:16 PM


Sorry that's supposed to be smacks*
~Sabriel

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
2 posted 2001-04-22 07:24 PM


I've noticed that you write using a third person always.  It does seem pretty obvious that your are this person though.  If he does those thing, leave him.  I'm sorry but I don't believe in hitting a girl.  It makes me furious to hear about someone doing so.  I hope things get better for you soon.  I mean soon   thanks for sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

sleepymoongirl
Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 157
bc canada
3 posted 2001-04-22 10:50 PM


wow that poem is cool.  like not the person being beaten around but what u wrote and like as u go through her heart breaking and how when tis all over she dies hmm will have to add this to my libary link  

as u go in life there will be ur hardships it is up to u if it makes u or breaks u.  

silvrduck
Member
since 2000-11-05
Posts 146

4 posted 2001-04-22 11:14 PM


This is a really good poem. I hope it is not about you though..   If it is, please talk to someone who can help.  No one should have to suffer from abuse..
good poem though.  

*The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.*

orange()alligator
Junior Member
since 2001-02-06
Posts 21

5 posted 2001-04-23 12:54 PM


hey i liked that, brought back some weird memories but i still liked it.  good job on this one, n it's okay if u spelt smacks wrong lol.
-bergundy-

Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
6 posted 2001-04-23 01:27 AM


Hey look everyone, it's Bergundy.     Maybe POA will follow her here soon?

There's a way to edit your poetry, this icon here -->
Hit it on your post.     It will allow you to edit.
Nice job on the poem, I hope this isn't about you and if it is, then do get some help please.  
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

Bishop
Junior Member
since 2001-04-22
Posts 30
Nottingham, England
7 posted 2001-04-23 02:16 AM


I loved this poem.  If this is about you then leave him NOW!

^*Bishop*^

*Evil has many faces, and I'm one of them*

Fading Away
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
8 posted 2001-04-23 11:41 AM


I like this a lot!  Nice job.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Sabriel.s.h.lover
Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 73
b.f.e. aka- Hickville
9 posted 2001-04-23 04:50 PM


Believe me, this is sooooo not me. If it was i would have left him by now. And even if it was, I'd be dead and i wouldn't have been here to write this!
~Sabriel

Spine Grinder
Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...
10 posted 2001-04-23 05:39 PM


She's got a point there, how on earth would she have been here to write that if she was already dead?well she could be a ghost...Just kidding! nice job  

[This message has been edited by Spine Grinder (edited 04-23-2001).]

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
11 posted 2001-04-24 07:53 PM


I enjoyed this....very sad poem. Hope you're ok.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

AngelPoet87
Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280
Indy
12 posted 2001-04-24 08:25 PM


really good poem, even better to hear that its not about you, tho i'm sure it does apply to many people, way too many people, but still a good piece of writing.

~ali

2Good
+2Be
------
4Gotten

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