Member Rara Avis
I get to be rude?
Breaking out of polite mode....
warning - this rambles...
nice word usage here...perhaps you could leave out 'terpsichorean' - although a cool word it's not very accessible is it?
I know references to myths are always nice...and sometimes work really really well (now that I know it has something to do with a myth heh) but I think that unless it's made really clear it can just confound.
Hmm..I'd recommend spelling 'thru' as 'through' - such a nicely constructed poem deserves 'proper' spelling methinks..
Now the main problem I see in this Acies (heh) is your use of cliche. 'Moonlit clouds', 'tranquil night' even the word 'angel'...
Cliches and K don't mix heh...
I love crescent-light..that is really good..
Also I think there are too many adjectives.
For instance - in the first line instead of 'peaceful twilight' you could just have 'twilight'...the poem itself speaks of tranquility and peace...
no need to use the actual words - by omitting them the reader gets to find the images themselves...
A 'flower's bow' is really nice...and:
'‘Tis a gracious ovation endowed'
Here, I'd cut out the "'Tis" ..
'Elegance kept in this gentle prance' - do you think this really needs the 'this'? Say it aloud...
Now, back to adjectives...
I think if you dropped a few - some of the really wonderful ones would stand out more...
it really is overloaded
So, for example - your last line:
'My immaculate rose of eventide'
would just have more impact if your last verse read something like this:
An ambience set by radiant charm
a smile donned,
curing a lover’s pride.
Paramount guise in painting
lending an ivory sight,
my immaculate rose of eventide
the tone is just a little less flamboyant...and almost easier on the eye (ear?)
I think it is quite a nice last line...
What are you doing with it?
You have three nicely laid out verses...a couple of commas, a few ellipses and then no periods...and lots of lines starting with initial caps seemingly in a random order.
I'd suggest shoving in a few periods and fitting your initial caps in with those (like I did in the example above)
Ok...this is it..rambling..sorry..I'm tired but you know that lol...
one hopefully not-rude crit for Acies...