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Passions in Poetry

Twilight's Serenade

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Kandi
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since 06-14-2000
Posts 359
North of Hell


25 posted 04-23-2001 08:19 PM       View Profile for Kandi   Email Kandi   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Kandi's Home Page   View IP for Kandi

wow....im in awe...this is soooo beautiful acire...if anyone wrote something 1/2 this sweet for me, I'd marry them then and there lol....GREAT job! you could never disappoint us!
~K~

"Make your life like toiletpaper - long and useful."
"When 2+2 is 5 or less, it's time to question common sense."

Nicole
Senior Member
since 06-23-99
Posts 1896
Florida


26 posted 04-24-2001 11:44 AM       View Profile for Nicole   Email Nicole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Nicole

The only real serious gripe I have, is the font type and color.  I like to let my eyes "fall" naturally through a poem, and this one was just really hard for me to read (shaddup - I'm getting old, and the eyes aren't as good as they used to be!)     I spent more time trying to read, than just enjoying it. Yanno?

So - that out of the way...  

The last two lines, particularly, grab hold - and just won't let go.  Something to be whispered.  Sweet, tranquil, and romantic - just lovely.  
Acies
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since 06-07-2000
Posts 14805
Twilight Zone


27 posted 04-24-2001 01:57 PM       View Profile for Acies   Email Acies   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Acies

Thanks for the kind words peeps  

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


28 posted 04-25-2001 05:11 PM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Howdy Acire  

I enjoyed reading your poem, had a real peaceful feel to it.

On what Kamla said.....
yup I agree.

too many cliche's, which I know is difficult not to use, for I've used them and sometimes they automatically arise still. which annoys me actually. They just don't want to go away hehe.

I also agree with "thru" being spelt the correct way.

dropping out the words which K suggested I think also is a great idea.  
especially in the first line.. "Serenaded by stars thru peaceful twilight" the removal of "peaceful" will definitely enhance it.
and the 15th line...."This  ambience set by such radiant charm" i'd removve the "such"

I love the lines...

A Flower’s bow

Amongst the skies gliding

My immaculate rose of eventide


A lovely poem Acire and not dissapointed at all
enjoyed it  

Maree
anonymous albert ?
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since 03-23-2001
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29 posted 04-30-2001 01:09 PM       View Profile for anonymous albert ?   Email anonymous albert ?   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymous albert ?

this needs to be on page one..

but...check it out acire's poem

hehe..yea..its a great poem..

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

stace_co2003
Senior Member
since 03-30-2001
Posts 1225
In a dream world


30 posted 05-16-2001 08:29 PM       View Profile for stace_co2003   Email stace_co2003   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit stace_co2003's Home Page   View IP for stace_co2003

well, well, well, lol. it was really good *gives two thumbs up* but there were parts I didn't understand. you use big words...yeah..and I dont have THAT big of a vocabulary. I am VERY late with this, but I dun care. I liked it!!
*s*
Stace
Ceinwyn
Member Elite
since 07-09-2000
Posts 2238
Baltimore, MD


31 posted 05-17-2001 01:45 PM       View Profile for Ceinwyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ceinwyn

Music to my soul!! Oh my god!!! That was so beautiful, I'm glad I read it =) for a second I forgot where I was..honestly =)

Tmd,
Kristen

"Let me be the one you call, if you jump I'll break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night"

~Crash and Burn~

thedarkangel
Member
since 05-12-2001
Posts 86
~*~the cutest~*~


32 posted 05-17-2001 02:43 PM       View Profile for thedarkangel   Email thedarkangel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for thedarkangel

that's gorgeous... i love it.. i have that tacked on my wall now!!! fantastic writing.
love, peace and eyeliner
angel
-x-

Each Moment in time is a pinprick in eternity-Marcus Aurilius

Acies
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since 06-07-2000
Posts 14805
Twilight Zone


33 posted 05-18-2001 09:38 AM       View Profile for Acies   Email Acies   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Acies

Thanks for the beautiful compliments people  

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 04-14-2001
Posts 950
obscured vision


34 posted 05-30-2001 11:11 PM       View Profile for knightlyshadows   Email knightlyshadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for knightlyshadows

okays im wonderin how i missed this the first time!!!! i loved this acire. it was just ......great,for a lack of words. another of urs in my library!
tiff

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

Just leave me alone and give me some space.

stace_co2003
Senior Member
since 03-30-2001
Posts 1225
In a dream world


35 posted 05-30-2001 11:16 PM       View Profile for stace_co2003   Email stace_co2003   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit stace_co2003's Home Page   View IP for stace_co2003

I'm definatly not disappointed but you use some big words man....terpsichorean....what in the world??
oh well, I'll look it up later.
but I love it!

Stace

(yes, I know I posted on here twice, but I dunno, I guess it just deserves a second reply)
I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again.

[This message has been edited by stace_co2003 (edited 05-30-2001).]

Meggie1986
Junior Member
since 05-22-2001
Posts 41
California


36 posted 05-30-2001 11:16 PM       View Profile for Meggie1986   Email Meggie1986   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meggie1986's Home Page   View IP for Meggie1986

Disapointed?  Goodness, that was amazing!  Absoultly stunning!  Thanks for a beautiful poem!

*One meets his destiny often in the road he takes to avoid it.

cherish
Member Ascendant
since 03-25-2001
Posts 6045
swimming in fairy floss.......


37 posted 05-30-2001 11:20 PM       View Profile for cherish   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for cherish

ok...*gets up from the floor cuz shes been knocked away*
wowowow...........i cant really say AGPFAGP..cuz this is like the first thing ive read of yours....omg acire this is totally awe-inspiring stuff!!...hahha...i gotta say that i totally needed to consult a dictionary while i was reading it...wow..you have such an eloquent vocabulary...and whats even more amazing is that youre able to use it to your advantage....well done on this one tuna salad boy ...more says i !!!...and no...i dont think anyone here was dissapointed dude...i certainly wasnt.. ...




"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

xShUgArHiGhx
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since 09-26-2000
Posts 3830
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs


38 posted 06-04-2001 10:50 PM       View Profile for xShUgArHiGhx   Email xShUgArHiGhx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit xShUgArHiGhx's Home Page   View IP for xShUgArHiGhx

This was beautiful!!! I was blwon away...and you were worrying about dissapointing us...jeez!!! I dont think that was possible!! Simply amazing!  
SEA
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Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


39 posted 06-04-2001 11:39 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

WOW! This rocks....I mean, it's beautiful  
chasing rain
Senior Member
since 05-15-2001
Posts 1281
Canada


40 posted 06-05-2001 08:03 PM       View Profile for chasing rain   Email chasing rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chasing rain

Wowie...
WOWIE!!!
Wowie.
Talk about vocab, eh? you study the dictionary or something? lol, sure you do.  
I thought this piece had really nice flow to it. Loved the vocab and the imagery was awesome! Keep it up Acire...

-Leah

I heard a funny quote once...*scratches head*

obscurity of cloud
Member
since 05-11-2001
Posts 305
....:::::******:::::....


41 posted 06-05-2001 10:07 PM       View Profile for obscurity of cloud   Email obscurity of cloud   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for obscurity of cloud

This has such great imagery, but i agree that some of the adjectives are a little unnecessary.  I really love the ephereal tone of this poem; it creates what it describes.  I did not like the "thru" instead of "through"--i felt like a McDonalds drive-thru for a second instead of tranquil clouds.  Otherwise, your use of language and diction is fantastic.  Wonderful work.

"so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost

Spice
Member Elite
since 04-13-2001
Posts 4474
Resting in my cardboard box.


42 posted 08-01-2001 06:38 PM       View Profile for Spice   Email Spice   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Spice's Home Page   View IP for Spice

Am I a bit late? Oh too bad- suck it up.
I've read this many times in the last month and it was pointed out ot me that I hadn't replied. SOOoo- Here I am!
*Bends to the floor and kisses your feet*
I absolutely LOVED this write. In fact, I think you should repost it in Teen 5 so more people can see it, or see it again. I thought it was done SO beautifully. And I agree with you, the adjectives are there to DESCRIBE... So by god there should be ALOT!
I fell madly inlove with this line. "A Flower’s bow…" It caught my eye and I thought it was absolutely PERFECT. You are truely a magnificent writer. You need to post more, dammit!  

[This message has been edited by Spice (edited 08-02-2001).]

Jenn Cirrincione
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Member Elite
since 07-02-2000
Posts 4370
Fl


43 posted 09-27-2001 06:59 PM       View Profile for Jenn Cirrincione   Email Jenn Cirrincione   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jenn Cirrincione

Well done here B!  I liked it muches, very pretty piece. However I agree with Dopey, it was hard for my poor lil eyes to make out!!   So sorry I missed this one before!

Jenn

"In the words of a broken heart, it's just emotion taking me over; you'll never see me fall apart, in the words of a broken heart."

lone_poet707
Member
since 11-17-2001
Posts 72
black hole named Aylmer


44 posted 12-02-2001 09:46 PM       View Profile for lone_poet707   Email lone_poet707   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for lone_poet707

Acire...how could ne1 be disappointed with this...or any of your poetry?  this is excellent! ur at the top of my list ;]
 
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