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Teen Poetry #4
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Hopeless
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Hopeless |
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
This is a pretty old one but I'de love to hear what you all think. My body is still but my mind races, with thoughts that take me a thousand places. I'm fighting for life the truth is dispensed, and I know its life I'm fighting against. Living in a world with hope lit so dim, thats separated into us and them. My heart is crying but my eyes are dry, just because I have no tears left to cry. I have lived with love to keep myself sane, but I know its love that causes my pain. All my fears take over when all my hope goes, the last pedal falls from my hearts crimson rose. My heart is broken when I hear the news, of people being misled and abused. And when the night has come upon my heart, my pain's end will come and my peace will start. ~ali 2Good |
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| © Copyright 2001 Alicia Morris - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Bishop Junior Member
since 2001-04-22
Posts 30Nottingham, England |
Very good. I enjoyed reading this poem. Thank you. ^*Bishop*^ |
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sleepymoongirl Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 157bc canada |
hey cool poem i really liked this part i guess cuz i feel that way sometimes and can relate My heart is crying but my eyes are dry, just because I have no tears left to cry. I have lived with love to keep myself sane, but I know its love that causes my pain. way cool likes i was just blown away by ur poem  |
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
I'm glad to hear I could reach my goal of reaching someone on an emotional level through my writing.  ~ali |
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
I'm glad to hear I could reach my goal of reaching someone on an emotional level through my writing. ~ali 2Good |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I enjoyed this very very very much. For some reason I got the sign of you being hopeful, rather than hopeless. As if the ending says that you'll be filled with peace soon, or was I wrong? Anyway, great poem.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Hello again. Looking at this poem I see one thing I'd like to comment on, and that's the incredible flow. Suffice it to say this poem has incredible flow.   However I found that the third to last stanza was a bit ineffective in the flow, it was the one speed bump that kept me back when I read this through the first time. I think that the first line could do with a revision (shortening, perhaps?) Just my humble opinion. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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silvrduck Member
since 2000-11-05
Posts 146 |
I'm fighting for life the truth is dispensed, and I know its life I'm fighting against. I love that stanza! err, actually.. i just love the whole poem. Keep it up, ok? I want to read more *The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.* |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
This poem was beautiful. I think it is one of your best yet. Keep it up! *If the only place I can live my dreams is in my sleep, then I'll sleep forever!* |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
The words here are amazingly written. I really enjoyed this. The flow was incredible. Nicely done! --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
i really liked this poem u write poems i totolly can relate to thanks for sharing and keep writing  ...?death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
beautiful, really beautiful i loved the read keep sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
Hey this was really good. I love the flow and rhythm of it, and its just overall well-written. Nice work! ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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