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men

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cherish
Member Ascendant
since 03-25-2001
Posts 6045
swimming in fairy floss.......


0 posted 04-22-2001 05:18 AM       View Profile for cherish   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for cherish

Your tear at my flesh,
Like wet wool through a thorn bush.

Weave lies into a thick mesh,
Lies that soon become unadulterated truths.

You rake jagged nails across my soul,
Speak words which systematically slash my heart.

You laugh and gawk and roll,
Make fun of my vulnerability, my nakedness within your eyes.

You rip my mind with craftsman-like agility,
Justify your actions through sex, religion and race.

To you im nothing but a liability,
A possesion to be used-abused.


stupid i know  


"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

[This message has been edited by cherish (edited 04-24-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 cherish - All Rights Reserved
anonymous albert ?
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since 03-23-2001
Posts 4172


1 posted 04-22-2001 05:26 AM       View Profile for anonymous albert ?   Email anonymous albert ?   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymous albert ?

nooo of course not
it wasn't stupid..
instead u had some good thoughts in here
which i agree to some point(and i'm not agreein to the point taht this was written 4 men) but on a person to person statis ..
great job here tho and until ur next
keep writing

bye....

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-22-2001).]

Dopey Dope
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since 08-30-2000
Posts 15536
San Juan, Puerto Rico


2 posted 04-22-2001 11:26 AM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

Stupid? Never....
I think this is pretty deep. I enjoyed this one cherish, very much. You did well.
I'm happy to see you posting more and more.
I hope to see more  

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood
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since 01-04-2001
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Winnipeg


3 posted 04-22-2001 12:12 PM       View Profile for Allan Riverwood   Email Allan Riverwood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allan Riverwood

I did like it as well, hardly "stupid" if anything.  
One thing you may want to do is, instead of using the hyphens to accentuate the other lines, use HTML!  Italics would be a great way to do this, just hit html help at the bottom of the screen to see what I mean.  

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

Bishop
Junior Member
since 04-22-2001
Posts 31
Nottingham, England


4 posted 04-22-2001 12:59 PM       View Profile for Bishop   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bishop

This is never stupid.  If this is, them so is sliced bread!!!  I like ur lay out and how the poem flows

^*Bishop*^

*Evil has many faces, and I'm one of them*

Deranger
Senior Member
since 05-10-2000
Posts 528
Somewhere, between here and th


5 posted 04-22-2001 05:56 PM       View Profile for Deranger   Email Deranger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Deranger

Well, what can i say? I think it was a very accurate portrayal of my sex...as distrubing as that is...

Good job.

Spreading insanity, one post at a time

My skull has glowing green eyes!

Jenn Cirrincione
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since 07-02-2000
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Fl


6 posted 04-22-2001 06:03 PM       View Profile for Jenn Cirrincione   Email Jenn Cirrincione   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jenn Cirrincione

Right on!!! Not stupid at all. Keep 'em coming.

"I've come too close to happiness, to have it swept away,don't think I can take the pain, never fall again..." Janet

Acies
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Twilight Zone


7 posted 04-22-2001 06:14 PM       View Profile for Acies   Email Acies   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Acies

Your title/subject got my full attention.  And the poem itself did too.  i hope this isn't directed to all men.  I'm sorry that you have to go thru this kind of situation.  I do hope things get better for you.  Thanks for the read and keep sharing for it helps ease things  

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

cherish
Member Ascendant
since 03-25-2001
Posts 6045
swimming in fairy floss.......


8 posted 04-24-2001 02:07 AM       View Profile for cherish   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for cherish

thanx you guys for the comments...again i really do appreciate them..
i still feel as though it's stupid in the way im saying it...but that doesnt really matter does it?
about it being about ALL men..well no it isnt..but i couldnt decide whether to put "man" or "men" on it cuz "man " although is singular it could also represent the whole of mankind...and thats not what this poems about."men" on the other hand is a rather limiting form of the plural which suited it better...
that's just saying that 'yeah there are good guys out there'...just not the ones that i seem to be attracting though...
well i changed it to suit your comments....
once again thanks....HEAPS!
anonymous albert ?
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since 03-23-2001
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9 posted 04-24-2001 12:05 PM       View Profile for anonymous albert ?   Email anonymous albert ?   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymous albert ?

i think it should be called.....
"WOMAN" so it becomes neutral so we can all be happy..hehehe
*grabs the wo,mans's hands and hops in a circle*
see now we all happy..now is that stupid??...

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-24-2001).]

Postman Pat
Member
since 08-05-2001
Posts 51
The Great Land DownUnder


10 posted 08-06-2001 12:27 AM       View Profile for Postman Pat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Postman Pat

Oh bebe, we're not all that bad now are we?
I'm sure you know at least one decent guy out there (PATRICK PATRICK PATRICK)!
I'm sad for you that you have had so much pain in your life. i know that the stuff you're going through right now stinks like sh!t- but you know that im here for you ok?
Another sad and rather dark poem from you.
anonymousfemale
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 6304
Limbo


11 posted 12-11-2001 11:59 AM       View Profile for anonymousfemale   Email anonymousfemale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymousfemale

*makes a stabbing motion towards a cardboard cut out of a man* DIE!!! *slash slash*  

The cuplets were a good idea, Char-ish. Your expression has always been good and this is no exception. Once again, you've written a fab piece. Be proud and don't put yourself down.

~AF~

"Always keep focus on your dreams because most often than not that's all you'll have." - Javier

paper doll
Member
since 08-04-2002
Posts 138
Floating on Uncertainty


12 posted 09-02-2002 09:18 AM       View Profile for paper doll   Email paper doll   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for paper doll

Definitely not stupid at all. It has a ring to it that echoes a pure hatred of men in general. Two thumbs up for that one.

I liked this. Sort of sylvia plath-ish.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

Marshalzu
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since 02-15-2001
Posts 4465
Lurking


13 posted 03-04-2003 11:44 AM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

A great peice of writing
 
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