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Teen Poetry #4
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Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
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San Juan, Puerto Rico

0 posted 2001-04-21 11:19 PM


Mistress of Rose Fields:


"Mistress of Rose Fields, beware thy speech.
Tis Whispering Meadows, a secret leach.
Crouch down and speak, yet lightly still
Thou dost not want a Meadow to thrill.

Ever so softly grant me thy tale.
Be slow, yet steady, my mind to fail.
In left ear, not right. Tell me now,
Whisper thy plight of where and how."

Time elapsed, the tavern was cold.
Mistress of Rose Fields, her secret told.
Whispering Meadow lay in shock on floor
Exclaiming, "Halt! Please stop, no more!"

Yet still, she went on, and on she pressed.
Meadow lay dead, in motionless blessed
With eyes wide open, and mouth closed tight.
His mind in fear, in fear of fright.

Tears ran down Mistress cheek.
Uttered a secret that made her weak.
Fell to the floor in a weary spill,
Yet continued on, no fear of kill.

She finished herself with one, short phrase.
Said it softly and within a haze,
"Tis what happens when we blindly see,
I turned my back on love, on thee."





I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

[This message has been edited by Dopey_Dope (edited 04-21-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Pepe de la Muerte - All Rights Reserved
~sugarpie313~
Member
since 2000-09-14
Posts 375
Maine, USA
1 posted 2001-04-21 11:23 PM


i absolutely love this!!  and you are so adorable in that picture... (that is you right? LOL)  anyways i really love the last 2 lines... they really sum it up VERY well   GREAT GREAT JOB!! as always  
Valerie

*Life can take your dreams and turn them upside down, Friends will talk about you when you're not around, but don't ever lose that light in your eyes*

Alwye
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Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850
In the space between moments
2 posted 2001-04-21 11:26 PM


Awesome work Javier!  I loved the archaic feel and the last two lines were phenomenal.  Great write my friend!  

*Krista Knutson*

"We can all become what we aspire to be
If Heaven's here on Earth..." ~Tracy Chapman

kcsgrandma
Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1522
Presque Isle, ME
3 posted 2001-04-21 11:29 PM


Hope you don't mind my replying in here, but have to say I enjoyed this, and the pic, too.  I like the lilting style of it, quite unexpected.  

To love another person is to see the face of God.
- Les Miserables

Marilyn

katherine
Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365
Canberra Australia
4 posted 2001-04-21 11:34 PM


such a cutie!!!
this was good.
`kate

'Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.'

Allan Riverwood
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since 2001-01-04
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Winnipeg
5 posted 2001-04-22 02:20 AM


Excellent work, Javier!  Just excellent!
This poem is definitely one of the best I have seen from you in my short time in PIP, I truly do think this is outstanding.
*click* into the library.
And aren't you a bit little to be smoking?  
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
6 posted 2001-04-22 02:24 AM


wooooooooo hooooooooooo!!!
you finally got it on here!!...



you know how much i like this one already..but let me say it again..
great work!!!!!
btw you're such a cute little'un
mua!!

"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

anonymous albert ?
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Posts 2979

7 posted 2001-04-22 02:26 AM


awesome poem...
i really liked it..
great job..
u r a kid with a talent of a genius

anyways...though that picture is sooooooooooooooooooooooo cutee
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...haha........javier..

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-22-2001).]

Jenn Cirrincione
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Fl
8 posted 2001-04-22 08:25 AM


I loved the poem...
Awwww and you're sooooo cute.... hehe
Love ya!!

"I've come too close to happiness, to have it swept away,don't think I can take the pain, never fall again..." Janet

Child of the Stars
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Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
9 posted 2001-04-22 09:01 AM


Whoa.
I
AbSoLuTeLy
loVeD
ThiS
.....................
man
this was kick butt
man oh man oh man
haha, nice pic hahah
          ~cutie pie

There is pleasure in poetic pains which only poets know......~Unknown

silvrduck
Member
since 2000-11-05
Posts 146

10 posted 2001-04-22 03:53 PM


Wow Dopey! I loved this, i really did!

She finished herself with one, short phrase.
Said it softly and within a haze,
"Tis what happens when we blindly see,
I turned my back on love, on thee."

Sigh. Yeah... you're good  

ps. I love the pic, hehe.. you're so cute!!

*The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.*

Deranger
Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 498
Somewhere, between here and there
11 posted 2001-04-22 05:34 PM


A little differant than the majority of your work.  The old english really improves the flow/atmosphere, i don't think it would have worked without it.  yep yep.  Good work.  

Spreading insanity, one post at a time

My skull has glowing green eyes!

Jenn Cirrincione
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Fl
12 posted 2001-04-22 05:38 PM


Where'd the little baby boy go???
I guess your cute and all hehe.... but you were cuter before!!! LOL  

"I've come too close to happiness, to have it swept away,don't think I can take the pain, never fall again..." Janet

Sabriel.s.h.lover
Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 73
b.f.e. aka- Hickville
13 posted 2001-04-22 07:08 PM


This poem was quite good. And so I must agree with everyone else, U r a cutie!
~Sabriel

Acies
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since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
14 posted 2001-04-22 07:13 PM


Dopey --- where's the baby pic  
I'll put one up myself  
Awesome poem Daddy Mac
keep sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

sleepymoongirl
Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 157
bc canada
15 posted 2001-04-22 09:39 PM


ahhhhhhh sorryz likes it did show up ahhhhhh oh wellz i did my other one and yeah hmmmmm ok well i thinks i will leave u the dancing baby cuz tis amuzing

[This message has been edited by sleepymoongirl (edited 04-22-2001).]

sleepymoongirl
Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 157
bc canada
16 posted 2001-04-22 09:43 PM


grrrrrrness my last message got erased that i wrote u.  well to be honest i thought it waas good.  like it was cool cuz it had a different edge i haven't been here long but none of the poems i have read so far have done it in ur style so was cool sorry if explaination doesn't help ya   but hey thats what i thoughtz  



Low Man's Lyric
Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236
In a dream
17 posted 2001-04-22 10:10 PM


Great poem, I think this is the first I read from you. Can't wait till the next one.

Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend."  
~Anonymous

fozzyozzy
Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia
18 posted 2001-04-22 11:22 PM


Whoa this is truly great to the greatness scale of 11 out of 10.  Radicalness

"The heart can think of no devotion
Greater than being shore to ocean
Holding the curve of one position
Counting an endless repetition"
-

Shygirl82
Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245
Ilinois
19 posted 2001-04-23 12:08 PM


Wow...excellent poem.  It was really good and extremely well written...I enjoyed it a lot.  Thanks for sharing.  
~Nikki~

coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077

20 posted 2001-04-23 12:24 PM


Javier,
This is an outstanding work!!!
I liked it very much.  

"The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty."
coyote

Dopey Dope
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San Juan, Puerto Rico
21 posted 2001-04-23 01:00 AM


Thanks all.....If any of you are wondering why people are saying I am cute it's because I originally had a BABY PICTURE up.....nobody thinkks I'm cute now  

Anyhow, all your comments were appreciated.

Coyote- Glad you enjoyed it....means a lot. Thanks for stopping by and reading  


Jenn Cirrincione
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Fl
22 posted 2001-04-23 01:22 PM


Silly... you're quite a little hottie. You must have yourself confused with someone else.
But you were cuuuutttteee before. You were adorable!!!

"I've come too close to happiness, to have it swept away,don't think I can take the pain, never fall again..." Janet

Fading Away
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Lynchburg, Virginia
23 posted 2001-04-23 02:45 PM


Wow.. okay, well I'm sorry I missed this the first time around.  Very nice job, Javi!  I enjoyed this.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
24 posted 2001-04-23 03:22 PM


Great poem, excellent job on it.  nice baby picture, I'm glad I caught it before when I first read this, and nice new picture too

"Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato.  
Ever tried the Teen Explorer Forum?

anonymous albert ?
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Posts 2979

25 posted 2001-04-23 04:30 PM


no more baby pic

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

IsGona
Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723

26 posted 2001-04-23 08:56 PM


Well, better late then never huh?
Javier, you always amaze me. No exception here.  I look forward to more.  And put your baby pic back up I missed it  

Dopey Dope
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San Juan, Puerto Rico
27 posted 2001-04-24 12:24 PM


Haha sorry guys......the pic that's up stays.....I don't think having my baby pic up.....AND me having access to the adult forum and posting in there is right at all!
C'mon! Imagine! A 3yr old ME in there! NO! That's just wrong!

Anyway, thanks for all the compliments, replies, advice, praise, bla, and bleep, and bloops....yep all appreciated to the fullest extent!


SEA
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with you
28 posted 2001-04-24 06:43 PM


I like this very much....   
Heavens Tears
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29 posted 2001-04-24 07:33 PM


Awesome poem.  I really liked it.  I can never put dailogue into my poems.  I cant figure out why.  It just never sounds right to me.  Im jealous.  Anyways, great poem!

*~*Amanda*~*

*If the only place I can live my dreams is in my sleep, then I'll sleep forever!*

princess^sarah
Member
since 2001-01-12
Posts 131
melbourne
30 posted 2001-04-25 12:59 PM


SEXY SEXY SEXY SEXY!!
WILL U BE MY GUY/?
PUHLEESEEEEEE

lurve sarah!
*smooch*

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
31 posted 2001-04-25 10:55 AM


wooo hoo...javvie looks like SUMONES after you hun
*looks across at sarah*
you better check out her sexy new pic quick!
hahahaha...

"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
32 posted 2001-04-25 01:28 PM


Its been awhile since your last poem that ive read.
this was amazing.

®egina

library piece

a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain

Starr
Member
since 2001-02-08
Posts 100

33 posted 2001-04-25 02:18 PM


WOW... for the poem and the pic...
This poem was awesome I totally loved it.... and the last two lines
was great.... It amplified the meaning the poem had to me....
Keep posting!!

Every action of our lives touches some chord that will vibrate in eternity.

Chel
Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 511
Baltimore, MD, USA
34 posted 2001-04-25 04:59 PM


Great piece.  I loved it.  Keep up the great work.

Chel

"True friends stab you in the front."
"You are special and unique in your own way." "Always remember compliments you received; forget about the rude

Suga_Baby
Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380
Maine, USA
35 posted 2001-04-25 05:32 PM


WOW this is AWESOME!!!! Of course, what did I expect from YOU? *LOL* Your work always rocks my world, nice job yet again.  

"A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep."

Dusk Treader
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Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187
St. Paul, MN
36 posted 2001-05-20 10:26 PM


I feel like you're just one step ahead of me with the two poems I've read so far. LOL, It's like following the dawn, you can just see the light, but it hasn't broken yet.

It works well for me though, it gets me thinking about what you said, intrigues me. The ending rather binds it all together. Those last two lines are, of course, great I can relate to so well to "blindly see"ing. My favorite image though has to be with "eyes wide open and mouth shut tight." A closing off of something and an opening of another.

Excellent poem, Javier, really like that Archaic wording you used, done quite well, from my point of view.

"There's nowhere to set my aim
So I'm everywhere" - Dream Theater

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