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Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

0 posted 2001-04-21 10:54 AM

Headline.

The snow is falling down,
and the trains they all stand still.

The people turn and frown,
as our livestock all falls ill.

The Germans are being cautious,
as we infected their sheep.

The farmers are all nautious,
because of lack of sleep.

There are two friendly rivals,
and England she must win,
we welcome the arrival,
but a new era must begin.

A train has crashed
and it's bringing great sorrow
30 bodies smashed
and that's the headlines until tomorrow...

<<<_Andrew_>>>

" The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson

E-mail/Msn: Targetmrzu@hotmail.com

Angel Bee
Member

since 2001-01-30

Posts 176
Virginia

1 posted 2001-04-21 11:46 AM

I liked this poem. The title is very sutible. I'm not sure if it has unseen meaning underneath the poem, or if it was just written, but thats just me trying to dig too deep. hehe. Anyway, keep writing! :o)
~ab~

*~Sometimes just holding hands is holding on to everything.~*

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

2 posted 2001-04-21 12:17 PM

Another great work. I love the transition from couplets to quatrains. Very nice, it really affected the feel of the poem for me. I also agree with AB that the title is very appropriate.
Another awesome work, Zu.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

3 posted 2001-04-21 12:41 PM

Wow, Andrew, your work as of late has been VERY impressive! I loved the style of this poem. The format really goes well with what you're trying to say, and the ending really hit hard! nicely done.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-04-21 08:27 PM

Did this really happen? If so then that sucks. I felt you did good on the poem though. Nicely done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

5 posted 2001-04-26 05:50 PM

Very interesting read Zu. Hope this isn't based on reality. Thanks for sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

6 posted 2001-04-26 05:51 PM

wow....very good

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

7 posted 2001-04-26 06:55 PM

Ditto to everyone on the format coments and it had real emotional depth to it too, good job on this one.

"Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato.

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