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Teen Poetry #4
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Heavens Tears
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Senior Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677


0 posted 2001-04-20 11:08 AM


This is a oldie.  I got to sleep early last night, so I couldnt really write anything.  The mood didnt strike me.  So I decided to share w/ you something I wrote a few months ago.  


Walking through a desert
I look around, seeing only dry sand
With nothing ot hold it together
All these grains, so separate
So vunerable to erosion
Much like my life
Too many memories
Too many mistakes
That cant be understood
Because the only thing that connects them
Is that they are all part of me
But I am slowly falling apart
So what is left to hold them together?

*If the only place I can live my dreams is in my sleep, then I'll sleep forever!*

© Copyright 2001 Heavens Tears - All Rights Reserved
banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
1 posted 2001-04-20 01:14 PM


Wow, great imagery in this i like it a lot.  i also really liked the way that you ended this piece.  beautifully done, keep posting all of your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
2 posted 2001-04-20 01:17 PM


Again, there are a few typos here that stand out that you might want to go back and fix, but other than that this is a very good piece.  I enjoyed the read very much.. the imagery is beautiful, and the flow was great.
Nicely done.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Hand Me Down
Junior Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 32
WV
3 posted 2001-04-20 03:16 PM


I really liked this, the feel of it was great, keep writing.

"Cause I can't fix something this complex anymore than I can build a rose"

Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
4 posted 2001-04-20 08:03 PM


I love the question you ended on... great job here!  
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
5 posted 2001-04-21 01:18 AM


Very well done. Leaving the poem open for question in itself is very good. I liked this.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
6 posted 2001-04-22 01:43 AM


Very well written poem my friend.  You've got me thinking now

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

fozzyozzy
Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia
7 posted 2001-04-22 01:53 AM


I really understand this!  No joke.  You managed to get through to my skull (not that it's an easy job).  Congratulations.

"The heart can think of no devotion
Greater than being shore to ocean
Holding the curve of one position
Counting an endless repetition"
-

AngelPoet87
Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280
Indy
8 posted 2001-04-22 01:58 AM


Good one, I think thats a question we'de all like the answer to...

~ali

2Good
+2Be
------
4Gotten

anonymous albert ?
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

9 posted 2001-04-22 02:06 AM


great job on this...
i liked it. nicely written..
keep writing

...?

Bishop
Junior Member
since 2001-04-22
Posts 30
Nottingham, England
10 posted 2001-04-23 01:59 AM


Very good. I loved the ending
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