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Scarred

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cherish
Member Ascendant
since 03-25-2001
Posts 6045
swimming in fairy floss.......


0 posted 04-20-2001 02:04 AM       View Profile for cherish   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for cherish

ok this is really very bad..i want you guys to go at it like mad!

Huddling against the wall
Crushed and burning
Insides shattered by
Force.

The worlds spinning around
Colour and images
Words spitting out vehemently
Acrid.

Covering shoulders,face-breast
Stinging heart
Burned, scarred and judged beyond
Repair.

Stolen innocence
Raped and ravaged
Gone forever because you made it
So.


"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

[This message has been edited by cherish (edited 04-20-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 cherish - All Rights Reserved
anonymous albert ?
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since 03-23-2001
Posts 4172


1 posted 04-20-2001 02:29 AM       View Profile for anonymous albert ?   Email anonymous albert ?   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymous albert ?

i liked the poem..but u described a situation that i hope u haven't gone thru..i feel bad that so many gurls has been or go thru this kind of thing  
but if u did also i'm very sorry to hear as i wish the best for u...


...?

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-20-2001).]

Dopey Dope
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since 08-30-2000
Posts 15536
San Juan, Puerto Rico


2 posted 04-20-2001 02:54 AM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

Aw Cherish, this is one horrible incident. You ok? I hope so. I enjoyed the poem HEAPS! hehehe  
Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 03-14-2001
Posts 4302
Lynchburg, Virginia


3 posted 04-20-2001 01:22 PM       View Profile for Fading Away   Email Fading Away   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Fading Away

Great poem!  I enjoyed it!
Nicely done.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Allan Riverwood
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since 01-04-2001
Posts 4212
Winnipeg


4 posted 04-20-2001 07:47 PM       View Profile for Allan Riverwood   Email Allan Riverwood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allan Riverwood

I really like the form, I thought it was original.  In fact, I thought it was brilliant... maybe rewrite it with a rhyme scheme as well.  I think it would look marvelous if, in each stanza, the three lines to precede the ending word all rhymed with one another.
Well done.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

cherish
Member Ascendant
since 03-25-2001
Posts 6045
swimming in fairy floss.......


5 posted 04-20-2001 10:23 PM       View Profile for cherish   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for cherish

thanx for your comments guys..its helps a lot.
i cant believe you liked my format!!..heheh..i thought that that was one of my fallouts...but yeah i dont know how to ryhme my poems very well...i sorta just talk my way through them.
unfortunately i have to say that i HAVE been through it...but yes i have put it all behind me now..im ok javvie and AA..thanx for asking..

"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

Postman Pat
Member
since 08-05-2001
Posts 51
The Great Land DownUnder


6 posted 08-06-2001 12:24 AM       View Profile for Postman Pat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Postman Pat

Bebe,
This is really horrific!
It makes me angry with a certain someone very much indeed. If you need to talk a bit more you know where to find me babe.
About the poem-it made me too angry to actually like it.
anonymousfemale
Member Ascendant
since 02-02-2000
Posts 6304
Limbo


7 posted 09-07-2001 03:00 PM       View Profile for anonymousfemale   Email anonymousfemale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymousfemale

Hmm...there is more to this piece than meets the eye and it has me very angry all of a sudden. Ever need to talk? Dial 1-800 - Elizabeth  

The piece itself was very powerful with a lot of emotion running through it. Keep smiling chicky.  

~AF~

"Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?"

Marshalzu
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since 02-15-2001
Posts 4465
Lurking


8 posted 03-04-2003 11:38 AM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

I can't believe I missed this one... wow. This is kind of crushing, very heavy and saddening but it is such a brilliant write.
 
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