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Teen Poetry #4
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the love of my life
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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the love of my life |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
i dont think im done with this one yet...but i would just like to see what yall think so far. theres something wrong with it too i think but i cant quiet put my finger on it. thanx, tiff ive never touched you ive never tasted you yet somehow i find that i love you i yearn just to hold your hand then nothing else would matter just to be by your side ...is that too much to ask? ive never looked into your eyes ive never seen your soul yet still i find that i love you i yearn just to be with you then nothing else would matter just to have u inside of me for with out u i am "completely incomplete" |
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| © Copyright 2001 Tiffany Durham - All Rights Reserved | |||
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
"completely incomplete" is from the song HANGING BY A MOMENT by lifehouse yall should check them out if u dont know them.....they are rad!  |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Hmm...yeah, it lacks a certain level of the Bam factor. Nice job tho, ya got your thoughts out well.  Lifehouse! YEAH!~Carly There is pleasure in poetic pains which only poets know......~Unknown [This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (edited 04-19-2001).] |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
You portrayed your feelings very well in this piece, knightly. You did a nice job of expressing yourself. I enjoyed this. Nicely done. --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I love Lifehouse!! And I thought this poem rocked.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I like the format of this, it's a great idea that should be gone with. It's one thing to separate stanzas by technical structure (which you did as well!), but what you have demonstrated is something difficult to do, separation of stanzas by theme. The three line stanzas have a confused nature about them, and can be taken in several ways perhaps, due to the nature of their phrasing. You could be saying this definitely, as a statement, or you could be expressing confusion about your own situation. It's very vague, and I like that a lot. The structure of the quatrains is also ingenious, the way you reuse the beginning like that. Just stupendous, very very good job. My advice for you? Keep what you have, but change "Ive" to "I've." It's the correct way that the word is spelled. I would add either eight or nine more stanzas to this, depending on whether you wanted to end with a three liner or a quatrain. It's up to you, but I definitely look forward to seeing the end product. I see a lot of potential in you, and am very glad that you decided to join Passions in Poetry. From what I've seen by you, your ability to create formats is very admirable.~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. ~Unknown [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 04-19-2001).] |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
...... and I say "very" entirely too much.  |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
this is for you ben |
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Godsend_1 Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 247great state of illinois |
oh wow tiffany you are the greatest thing to ever happen to me i love you dearly with all of my heart baby i wish i was there with you right now holding you in my arms i i love you tiffany and i miss your touch i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be......so deal with it |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
awwwwwww this is soo sweet!!! tiffiny  benwoooohoooo!! best wishes guys "Life is not long and boring, |
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Angel Bee Member
since 2001-01-30
Posts 176Virginia |
i enjoyed this one. i thought it was good. keep writing!! :o) ~ab~ *~Sometimes just holding hands is holding on to everything.~* |
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sleepymoongirl Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 157bc canada |
woo hoo for u tifferz likes the poem. i'm not much for words... know thats sounds weird cuz of u have read my poems tifferz but yeah. write more so i can read more    [This message has been edited by sleepymoongirl (edited 04-22-2001).] |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
lol ur a nut scarlet but i loves u for it  *hugs her sexay scarlet* tiff  lol lookie i can do the signatures now “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
i think moongirl and shadows should go together....jus a suggestion  i knew it! u guys already r huh ?..... ....................................................................hehehe....u two   ...?death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-21-2001).] |
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sleepymoongirl Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 157bc canada |
i feel so sorry for u albert cuz i am guessing u don't have any friends who care about u. never have u had a friend who loved u. i pray one day u will know what true friendship is. |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
lol@scarlet jumpin all over him! lol sowwies guys but i dont play that way! we just be friends so there u gos:P lol *licks scarlet* heh i love my ben tiff “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
LOL!!!!!!!! what? can't u guys take a joke. theeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.. and scarlet r u tryin 2 use the poem i wrote aganist me who u think u r??? and i got more friends more people who give me love u dont knoe me!! and dont be bringin that here at passions we filled with love not some1 to act like that... i know u guys jus friends whatever scarlet...whatever straight up lame......4 sureee!!  ...?death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-21-2001).] |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
lol i dont know how to edit it yet so newayz lol but yeas i did knows u were jking that y i didnt do nuttins:P lol newayz tiff “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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Godsend_1 Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 247great state of illinois |
wow look at my sweet raven go lol *does the scarlet can kick booty dance* lol i love ya sweet raven keep it up your awesome ok *hugs* and i love you tiffany |
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Godsend_1 Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 247great state of illinois |
*looking through old poems and just thought he would say hiya* so umm hiya wow heh i saw that i never acctually said this was a good poem other then all that stuff up there so i just wanted to say this poem was really good and i liked how you wrote it and that i think it might be finished but ya never know you could add a stanza or two if ya wanted heh just humble advise from me, ben anywho i will talk to you later ok i hope to see ya soon love ya and hugs heh ben redshaw i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be. |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
That song..geez . Great poem, don't know what else to tell yaBel |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
robin is confuzzled neways us pplz ands are weird languages lols* hugs tiffers great poem girl robin likes! hahaharobin  lookies tiffers i didn't steals squirts this time lols* I AM WHAT I AM SO DEAL! [This message has been edited by poeticgirl01 (edited 06-04-2001).] |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
wow Tiffy girl.....this is great!! |
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