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Teen Poetry #4
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Insomniac (from a long time ago)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Insomniac (from a long time ago) |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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(I wrote this at age thirteen... Heavens Tears' mention of insomnia got me to remember it so I dug it up, out of one of my old poetry journals. Thanks, HT! You're a babe.  Here goes another example of how far I've come.   )With my eyes closed for hours at a time I cannot fall asleep Sticky with sweat I stir my head I open my eyes and get out of bed It's 3:30. I lay back down for a rest retried search my pillow for the cold side It's 4:30. This lack of sleep I do regret Bananas in Pajamas on my television set It's 5:30. Another day I must survive I turn the volume down to five. It's nearly six o'clock. But maybe I can still recieve a good two hours sleep? Why do I get no rest at all although my eyelids seep? Alarm clock rings. This can't be right. Another sleepless night. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
Well i certainly enjoyed reading some of your earlier work and it really does show how far you've come as a writer. i did like the format of this a lot and i liked the way you ended it. it might be interesting to do a bit of rewriting to see what you can do with it now. anyway, don't ever stop writing beautiful poetry. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
This really does show how far you have come. Not that its bad, but you have come a long way. *If the only place I can live my dreams is in my sleep, then I'll sleep forever!* |
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Marshalzu 
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Wow... this really good... I liked the format especially... the time is something I would have never have thought of... and all at thirteen. <<<_Andrew_>>> " No Army can conquer a galaxy, yet faith alone can overturn the universe." |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Haha I'm adding this to my library...not because it was this extroardinary poem but cuz it's koo! Bananas in pajamas...hehehe....peace out kid. ~Carly There is pleasure in poetic pains which only poets know......~Unknown |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This really does show how you've progressed. This is a good piece... and something that I'm sure many of us can relate to. I like the format.. very creative. Nice job. --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Hehe i liked it.....very cute. However, too bad you couldn't sleep....i sleep like a baby...like a baby!!!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
hahaha...allan.. u sure had talent from the start  niceee poem!.... thanks for sharing such a poem from ur eariler years... i really enjoyed the read keep writing... |
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Sabriel.s.h.lover Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 73b.f.e. aka- Hickville |
I liked this alot. It's the first I've read of yours and I enjoyed it alot. Sabriel |
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Sabriel.s.h.lover Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 73b.f.e. aka- Hickville |
I liked this alot. It's the first I've read of yours and I enjoyed it alot. Sabriel |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Don't you hate it when the first that they read of yours, is one that you wrote when you were a kid?  Thanks Sabriel, I'll rush to write a recent work and see what you think. hehe |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Wow you were writing poetry when you were 13? I started when I was 17. That just shows you that you had a creative mind at 13 and it continues to grow after each poem you write. I also enjoyed this poem and it was very creative by having the time in it. Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
*acts impressive* I was writing poetry at age seven. *struts* |
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Heart=Life Junior Member
since 2001-02-03
Posts 29United Kingdom |
Nicely done, nice structure and sentiment to it, keep writing |
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