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Scrutinized

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Fading Away
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since 03-14-2001
Posts 4302
Lynchburg, Virginia


0 posted 04-19-2001 10:24 AM       View Profile for Fading Away   Email Fading Away   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Fading Away

I wrote this one a few days.  I don't care for it much, but I figured it was something worth sharing.  Let me know what you think:
------------------------------------------------------------

I am scrutinized.
Everyone is watching,
Everyone is whispering,
Waiting...
Waiting for me to fall down again,
In pursuit of my next unattainable goal.

“Perfection...”
It's never good enough.
Never was,
And never is.
I don’t believe you anyway,
You'll say anything to make me feel better.
Liars.
I know the truth.

“Good...”
Was I?
Not me, no way.
Don’t say things you don’t mean.
Every day is a battle to hold my own,
And I lose.
I know the truth.

"Better..."
Not me.
Maybe them.
But they don’t include the wasters.
I’m still failing miserably,
A pathetic fool.
I know the truth.

I am scrutinized
A weak,
Worthless waste of space.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

© Copyright 2001 Jennifer Floyd - All Rights Reserved
Allan Riverwood
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since 01-04-2001
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Winnipeg


1 posted 04-19-2001 11:49 AM       View Profile for Allan Riverwood   Email Allan Riverwood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allan Riverwood

I'll agree that it's not exactly the best you've written.  However the idea for the format is creative... go with it.  A word, and an expansion on it.  
Try this a few more times yet Marie...  
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

banburycross
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since 03-27-2001
Posts 1087
viginia


2 posted 04-19-2001 12:54 PM       View Profile for banburycross   Email banburycross   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for banburycross

I like the format of this a lot, but if you decide to go back and revise this i would work on the ending of this a little bit.  this piece, as always beautifully threaded with emotion, i always love reading your writing (it's wonderful and you know i don't lie to you sweetie).  don't stop writing beautifully poetry

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Dopey Dope
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San Juan, Puerto Rico


3 posted 04-19-2001 03:05 PM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

I disagree with what the poem is saying. I enjoy your company here at passions...so a waste of space? Hardly the case...

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Child of the Stars
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since 09-07-2000
Posts 1972
Ann Arbor, MI


4 posted 04-19-2001 03:32 PM       View Profile for Child of the Stars   Email Child of the Stars   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Child of the Stars

Hmm...I liked this...I liked this a lot...something in it...hmm....yeah..maybe cuz I can relate...but babe, you gotta get over this kinda feelin...You're great, ya know? Have a smiley day.  
  ~Carly

There is pleasure in poetic pains which only poets know......~Unknown

anonymous albert ?
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since 03-23-2001
Posts 4172


5 posted 04-19-2001 05:09 PM       View Profile for anonymous albert ?   Email anonymous albert ?   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymous albert ?

i can totally relate to this also..
its jus one of those feelings that tears u inside..hope u feel alright..its a great poem its jus that people don't relate to it thats y it might be good to some and not as satisfactory to another...keep writing.

...?
anonymousfemale
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 6304
Limbo


6 posted 12-11-2001 11:04 AM       View Profile for anonymousfemale   Email anonymousfemale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymousfemale

The day you become a waste of space is the day little children become president and Australias PM dons a skirt.  

The raw emotion in this is fantastic. I happen to like this better than your more structured ones. That's just me though.

Thanks for the read!!

~AF~

"Always keep focus on your dreams because most often than not that's all you'll have." - Javier

 
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