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Teen Poetry #4
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I Care!!
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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I Care!! |
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Heart=Life Junior Member
since 2001-02-03
Posts 29United Kingdom |
Your nice Long hair Your perfect smile Your wonderful personality Makes my life worth while. You're kind and gentle Who listens to your friends If theirs ever a problem You help to make amends. My thoughts dwell on you Brings a passion in my heart I feel lost and bored When were ever apart. I enjoyed the other day It felt like heavens bliss I had a rush of feelings For us to hold each other and kiss. I believe you're unsure I believe you are lost Do you love your boyfriend? For eternity with no-cost. Please don't rush your feelings Just give them some time They'll either love your boyfriend Or hopefully be mine. You're a loving person With intelligence and care What ever your heart decides I know it will be fair If you choose to remain friends Then I will always be their When you have any problems Because Amie, I Care!!! |
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| © Copyright 2001 Ben Singleton - All Rights Reserved | |||
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
aww.. this is a very sweet poem, Ben. Your thoughts here are very beautiful. I hope you gave this poem to her. Wow, this is very nicely done!  --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Good job on this one, Mr Singleton!  I think the flow was marvelous, and the feelings are so distinct. I particularily like the departure from the format in the last, extended stanza. Still, the last line of this stanza was rhythmically off. It might be worth a revision. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
As allan said, the flow in this was very good, i liked it a lot. i think it's good that you can be so understanding when in a sitation like this, it will help things work out for the best. keep posting all your work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nicely done......if i'm correct this girl has a boyfriend and yer tryin to get her? Hmmm....i don't know about that one. I always believed that regardless of feelings there has to be a certain amount of respect for another person's relationship.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Marshalzu 
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
This has great rythmn and I like the way it flowed... the last line does stick out from the rest but I think this is ok... it reads really well... I think anyway... great job... <<<_ Andrew _>>> " No Army can conquer a galaxy, yet faith alone can overturn the universe." |
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Heart=Life Junior Member
since 2001-02-03
Posts 29United Kingdom |
I agree, its wrong to interfere in another relationship, can cause problems so on so on. BUT!!!! when the person you are pining after gets told by her boyfriend that she aint good enough for him aswell as totally controlling her life and keeps her locked up then my interfering doesn't sound so bad anymore!!!! |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
This is how someone pours their heart out. Very enjoyable read you should share more "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
This is a sweet poem, I hope that you showed it to the person it's about. Well done. ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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