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Teen Poetry #4
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Sabriel.s.h.lover
Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 73
b.f.e. aka- Hickville

0 posted 2001-04-18 06:42 PM



The Dance

The winter ball had finally come,
After many months of waiting.
He had finally hooked her love,
After many years of baiting.

They danced for what seemed like forever,
Around that hardwood floor.
They held each other nice and tight,
Finally they realized-of each other they adore.

They slowly danced the night away,
Until it was time to leave.
He slowly leaned in and kissed her goodnight,
For he was her Adam and she was his eve.

© Copyright 2001 Angelina - All Rights Reserved
Sabriel.s.h.lover
Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 73
b.f.e. aka- Hickville
1 posted 2001-04-18 06:45 PM


I think this is my best so far, so tell me what you think.
sabriel

lonely*soul
Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)
2 posted 2001-04-18 07:06 PM


hey i really liked this..kinda reminds me of sumthing        but great poem..and i dunno if ive read much of your work so i really cant compare..but good job!!!

         *~KiM~*

" im surrounded by people, but yet im still all alone"

Angel Bee
Member
since 2001-01-30
Posts 176
Virginia
3 posted 2001-04-18 07:23 PM


this was nice :o) keep writing
~AB~

*~Sometimes just holding hands is holding on to everything.~*

Low Man's Lyric
Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236
In a dream
4 posted 2001-04-18 07:28 PM


I liked this poem and I really liked the ending.

Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend."  
~Anonymous

Acies
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Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
5 posted 2001-04-18 10:08 PM


Ouch

That's it!!!....I'm going to search for all your poems  

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
6 posted 2001-04-19 03:25 AM


WOw......wow this was really great. The ending hit me like a ton of bricks with a fragrance of roses....such a sweet hit...hehe
nicely done!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
7 posted 2001-04-19 10:58 AM


This is a great poem!  I really enjoyed the last line, it made the whole poem very nice.  nicely done!

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
8 posted 2001-04-19 12:25 PM


Good job on this!  I really like how you repeated portions of the starts of some lines, like "after many months of" and just the word "slowly."  
This was a wonderful idea.  Good job on the poem!
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
9 posted 2001-04-19 01:12 PM


I'm with everyone else, i really liked the way you ended this piece.  the images you created with this were great, and you put a lot of feeling into this poem.  keep posting all your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Heavens Tears
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Senior Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677

10 posted 2001-04-19 02:32 PM


Awww...  How sweet.  I really liked this one.  Keep it up.

*If the only place I can live my dreams is in my sleep, then I'll sleep forever!*

Sabriel.s.h.lover
Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 73
b.f.e. aka- Hickville
11 posted 2001-04-19 04:56 PM


Thanks everyone! i enjoyed writing this poem.Glad you liked it !
Sabriel

Sabriel.s.h.lover
Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 73
b.f.e. aka- Hickville
12 posted 2001-04-19 04:56 PM


Thanks everyone! i enjoyed writing this poem.Glad you liked it !
Sabriel

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