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Teen Poetry #4
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anonymous albert ?
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since 2001-03-23
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0 posted 2001-04-16 11:01 PM


this is a poem for those in the hardtimes in life hope i can reach and make u think about it......

i jus wanted 2 post this poem i wrote couple months ago tell me ur thoughts or watever thanks even though i know it ain't the best....


hardliving in these hard times in life
days of tribulation making this life so rough
trying to strive thru all this strife
as this struggle against these souls are just enough
to give up and lose all hopes in these lives we live
as lost souls seems to not know which way to lead their lives
not able to find anymore solutions to life’s  problems
cause with all these problems
its harder to lead to the true paths to are lives
but days seems to pass in their same ways
and if the path finally comes to a end
will we only find are souls to be trapped
in the same path with the fallen souls with no way out ?
but we gotta  be strong and keep are dreams alive… cause they will come true !

jan.14.

i knoe this poem might lack structure or anything else but pplz consider the meanin i was tryin 2 say to those who go thru this. as i am.......

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-16-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 ALBY - All Rights Reserved
banburycross
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since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
1 posted 2001-04-17 01:09 PM


I like the message in this and the meaning.  it probably could benifit a bit form a little more stucture and a little better flow, but i still think that this is a good piece.  keep posting your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

xShUgArHiGhx
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since 2000-09-26
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tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
2 posted 2001-04-17 01:28 PM


Your poem has a very strong message..i read it over twice to get the full meaning of it. Very nicely done.
Acies
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
3 posted 2001-04-17 09:34 PM


I do believe if you get out of the rhyming scheme and try to work the poem in free verse style you will be really good at it.  Loved the poem

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
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San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2001-04-17 11:03 PM


The message was nice. Maybe if you take acire's tip you could do better  
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