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Teen Poetry #4
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LoveBug
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0 posted 2001-04-16 07:54 PM


The world was cold and harsh
Men had nothing of their own
Wandering about the earth… alone

Their light was the sun
The only warmth and guide
When it fell behind the horizon
There was nothing…

Nothing

One cold night, an early man
Hid in a forest
As the rain began to fall

He shivered as the rain fell down
The wind and rain were the only sounds
As he shivered there, alone,in the night


And then

CLAP!

The earth shook as it hit the earth
The man jumped up and look around
And then, to his left, he saw a light

A light!

He made his way towards the light
He saw that it was a tree, torn down
And that it lit up with light

Oh, and such a light!
He stretched his hand and touched it
Ah! Too hot!
But standing by it was like standing under the golden orb
It dried the rain off of his body
And took the chill out of the wind

The man looked up
And lighted by the fire
Were other men, like him!

They looked at each other curiously
The man motioned to them to touch the light
They did…

Ah, too hot!

But they looked at each other and laughed

And still, When the world is dark and lonely
Men gather and laugh around the light
Until it isn't quite so cold
And the darkness is no more




"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli
Blame Canada!


[This message has been edited by LoveBug (edited 04-16-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Erica N. - All Rights Reserved
Linc
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The Backstreet Boy
1 posted 2001-04-16 09:29 PM


Superb!!! well I will come back ofter I have something to say besides Superb!!!

            -- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Dark Enchantress
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since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258
meet Morgana
2 posted 2001-04-16 11:12 PM


I really enjoyed this poem. Something different is always appreciated by me.  


"...if you want love you must be love.."
Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins

[This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (edited 04-16-2001).]

Hand Me Down
Junior Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 32
WV
3 posted 2001-04-16 11:40 PM


I LOVE IT! hurry up and do some more!

"Cause I can't fix something this complex anymore than I can build a rose"

anonymous albert ?
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since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-04-16 11:43 PM


nice poem! i really enjoyed the great read.
keep writing

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-17-2001).]

banburycross
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since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
5 posted 2001-04-17 01:12 PM


I really like the idea behind this whole this whole series and i liked the first poem a whole lot.  i eagerly await the rest of these poems.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Dopey Dope
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since 2000-08-30
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San Juan, Puerto Rico
6 posted 2001-04-17 09:50 PM


*kisses erica* There's some latin flavor as a present due to your amazing poem.
woh00!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood
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since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
7 posted 2001-04-18 01:18 PM


I like this one, Erica.  I don't see why you were worried about it...
The steps were very creative, how you put single words or pairs of words apart from others, like "CLAP" and "A light!"  
However one critique I am going to make on this poem is the fact that the tone wasn't very definite... it was at times very serious, and at times a bit less and actually somewhat humourous.  For example, the phrase "Ah, too hot!"  It didn't have much of a perfect tone throughout, that's the one flaw that I see in here.
Other than that, I have to say this was not a disappointment in the least, it's quite impressive.  
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

Acies
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Twilight Zone
8 posted 2001-04-27 04:46 PM


What a beautiful site you have set up on this one Erica.  jeff is right about your writing    Where is the second one? where is it? ~*applauds*~

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

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