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Teen Poetry #4
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Spine Grinder
Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

0 posted 2001-04-16 10:24 AM


When you look upon me,
What do you see?
Do you see beauty within,
Or do you see only a bag of skin?

Or maybe do you see,
The helpless soul that I may really be?

© Copyright 2001 Staci Weidner - All Rights Reserved
keoni
Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC
1 posted 2001-04-16 10:41 AM


This seems like a good start to a poem. I hope you weren't finished because I really think you need to add more to it.
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine
"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur

Linc
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Senior Member
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy
2 posted 2001-04-16 10:58 AM


Hey,

       I agree nice start I am looking forward to see it finished   until then or your next poem

        -- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
3 posted 2001-04-16 11:32 AM


I really think the idea of this poem could be expanded.. I liked the way you used that couplet at the very end, though.  It really put a lot of power into what's there.  Try to make it a little longer, though...

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
4 posted 2001-04-16 02:00 PM


Spine Grinder,

I don't think you need to expand on this at all. There is already a great amount of strength in what you have written here. I like it short and sweet. Long poems sometimes lose the true meaning of the poem.

Keep it like this.

~AF~

" Your mother's in here with us Karras. Would you like to leave a message? I'll see that she gets it."
The Devil - The Exorcist

Marshalzu
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Member Elite
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681
Lurking
5 posted 2001-04-16 03:54 PM


I agree with Anonymous Female that this is great just as it is.
Keep up the good work.
<<_Andrew_>>

" No Army can conquer a galaxy, yet faith alone can overturn the universe."

E-mail/Msn: Targetmrzu@hotmail.com

Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
6 posted 2001-04-16 03:58 PM


You'll be ok. I hope all is well. I know you're going through a rough time with this unrequited love business....but it'll pass eventually. Be strong.
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