Baby - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

princess^sarah
Member

since 2001-01-12

Posts 131
melbourne

0 posted 2001-04-15 03:50 AM

You kick and turn inside of me,
your little feet jab my skin.

You lay in my arms,
and feel my tears,
on your warm body.

You crack tantrums,
your getting older.

You start to walk,
just slightly.

You get taken in my peer pressure,
you start to smoke and drink.

Your body starts to slowly fade awaw.

Years go bye,
your old and sad.

You wish you were half your age,
when your lying in your grave.

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-04-15 04:15 AM

the ending went in 2 a different turn but that made the poem.more unique! great job on another poem...keep up the great job sarah

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-15-2001).]

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

2 posted 2001-04-15 08:16 AM

This is a very powerful poem, Sarah. The ending made all the difference in the world. Nice job!

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

3 posted 2001-04-15 09:30 AM

Oh, nice job on this one Sarah. I liked it a lot.

~Carly

There are pleasures in poetic pains that only poets know......~Unknown

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

4 posted 2001-04-15 11:59 AM

This one is very interesting... what an original concept. The title is good in that it's only true for the start of the poem, it creates a deceptive sense to the entire thing. Also how you followed the child's whole life, regardless of the fact that you won't be alive that long. This poem is incredibly perceptive... and the last line was so well thought-out. One of your best, well done Sarah!
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-04-16 03:18 AM

I thought you did well. I thought it was creative.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.