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Zombie Man
Member

since 1999-06-22

Posts 52
Va

0 posted 2001-04-14 11:06 PM

Some days I feel so bad and there's nothing you can do.
I wish I could make it go away for the sake of you.
Why must I hate?!?
Why must you play the bait?!?
But inside I feel that you're the one for me.
I believe that you me are just not how we could really be.
Look around, things change and are set free.
Can't you feel the chemistry between us?!?
Like wild fire it grows with the wind and we stand here overwhelmed.
What the hell is wrong with us, why can't we just get along?!?
I know we seem like were meant to be.
Right now you just aren't for me.
Everything thing we think ends up the same.
So lets call it quits and stop this game.
I'm sorry for now I don't know what to say.
I just hope for the best and maybe again I'll brighten your day.
Maybe its just one day away.
Just one day.

Poetry is not just words on paper that may rhyme, but words that are from your heart expressing yourself for others to see from your eyes.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-04-15 02:38 AM

Interesting, and surprisingly well done. I did enjoy this quite a bit.

Your uneven lines would usually have been a bad thing, but in here it only echoed the creativity of the piece. A true success.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Low Man's Lyric
Member

since 2001-04-03

Posts 236
In a dream

2 posted 2001-04-15 02:40 AM

A well done and thought out poem. Great work, hope to read more.

Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend."
~Anonymous

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

3 posted 2001-04-15 08:47 AM

I'll be honest, I really didn't like this one. I thought the way the lines were long and staggered was distracting. The flow was inconsistent, and the format could use some work. I think you've done better.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

4 posted 2001-04-15 01:48 PM

I'm not picky. I don't care how it looks, I don't care about the format, and I don't care about the flow. That's just icing on the cake. I care about the meaning and the self-expression involved in the piece. You expressed yourself well in this. Tackled an issue that's certainly not an easy one. I hope things work out for you.

I had a dream once that I could fly and I laughed at everyone and kicked them in the back of the head because they couldn't fly too. :)

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

5 posted 2001-04-15 04:49 PM

Hey this was Cooooolies!! Very nice here, very very nice. Liked it LOTS.

~Carly

There are pleasures in poetic pains that only poets know......~Unknown

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