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LoneWolf
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 384
IL

0 posted 2001-04-14 03:50 PM

“Fading”

The end of it all
The water surrounds
My breath is gone
I fade away to nothingness

When before me I see a ray of hope
I rach forth this tube of life
Only to see within, two of innocence
I fall back seeing their fate

I begin to fade once more
Leaving it all behind
A full heart knowing what I had done was right
I close my eyes to look within

The short life lived about to end
One last breath
One last look to the sky above
I settle upon the water letting the waves carry me home

A smile stirs upon my lips
As I let him take away

Another presence is felt
A glance above
my eyes do fail
where the heart see true an Angle in golden hue

I gasp for air
To live again
Floundering in this watery grave
Turing to see someone comeing to rescue me

Saved again but why?
What did I do to deserve to live?
Death comes to me all to often
Which leaves me to wonder

When will he strike next?

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.

I've learned that even when you

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-04-14 08:00 PM

This put me on edge... very suspenseful. I really enjoyed this piece, and have no critiques.

Save for the spelling, I'm not sure that an angle came to you in golden hue.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

2 posted 2001-04-14 08:47 PM

Dun dun dun..........I agree wit Allan, suspensful indeedy.

~Carly

There are pleasures in poetic pains that only poets know......~Unknown

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-04-15 01:20 AM

I thought you did fine on this one. NO critiques here. Well done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2001-04-15 09:10 AM

Wonderful job on this one! I liked it a lot.
Nicely done

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

5 posted 2001-05-08 01:50 PM

Allan said it all already. Nice work here. Thanks for the read

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

6 posted 2001-05-08 04:59 PM

Really good job here, it's written rather well.

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

7 posted 2001-05-08 05:03 PM

this was written nicely as to discribe how you feel..and i got the message behind this poem..and a good message it was...keep writing

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

mistic
Member

since 2001-05-06

Posts 233
Idaho, U.S.A.

8 posted 2001-05-08 06:19 PM

I really liked it. It has a really nice flow to it.

lonely*soul
Member

since 2001-04-05

Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)

9 posted 2001-05-08 06:23 PM

wowish...and suspencful...good deal!!!
*KiMMiE*

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