»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #4
»
in this life i lead....
| Teen Poetry #4 |
|
in this life i lead.... |
|
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
sup every1! this was a poem i posted from ... i think like a week ago as u can c its a revised version .but even though i did revise it. it doesn't seem 2 want 2 work. anyways enjoy  in this life i lead nothing more to follow walking blinded alone in the dark only leaving me with a shadow in sorrow that has left my heart a mark in this life i lead wondering if my seed will be able to breed when these bloodshot eyes have already seen my heart to see its fled as i had to just witness, the last of my final scene in this life i lead it has been leaving me knowing that i can¡¯t escape fate with the greatest enemy thats making my life lay more a strait in this life i lead i try to focus but my vision isn¡¯t clear as no one does regret, as my heart never does forget cause no one knows the screams i hear in the heart that lies in a closed casket in this life i lead i can¡¯t simply find anything to quite explain why so many tears had to be shed not able to recognize, that i was living in pain as i reminisce on how much this heart has bled in this life i lead still am i in that same path in weary not knowing when this will all end struggling to survive in constant misery till i meet within me a friend..... hope u liked it. i might add more and revise it again with better thoughts but...4 now thanks 4 takin the time 2 read it. i can't believe that i actually written a poem this long..  [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-14-2001).] |
||
| © Copyright 2001 ALBY - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
princess^sarah Member
since 2001-01-12
Posts 131melbourne |
excellent!!!!!*smoooooch*!!!!!!!! |
||
|
princess^sarah Member
since 2001-01-12
Posts 131melbourne |
excellent!!!!!*smoooooch*!!!!!!!! |
||
|
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
hey why'd albert get a smooch?  Anyway, i thought you did quite well on this one.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
||
|
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
hehe i got a "smooch"... hehe  |
||
|
Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
*raises eyebrows* uh huh. Right. Albert! this was great. Finding a friend within oneself....hmm..something I'm gonna have to try.  Great thoughts in here, I can relate to lots. See yaa!~Carly There are pleasures in poetic pains that only poets know......~Unknown |
||
|
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This was a really good poem. The flow was excellent. This is a well thout-out poem.. Nicely done! --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
||
|
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Carly, don't you have Susanna?    Great job on this one, Albert. You might want to trim "in this life I lead" to after every other stanza instead of after every stanza. It got a bit tired. The ending thought is awesome. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
||
|
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
That's the first thing I noticed, Albert gets a smooch? Well, I guess that already tells you how the poem is "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
