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Teen Poetry #4
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Crystal Catacombs - Love Song (entry 10)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Crystal Catacombs - Love Song (entry 10) |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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Treading adrift in the stirring of snow Out of my kingdom, and out of its clutch Snowscreen so heavy, and keeping me low Snowscreen so heavy, and warm to the touch Treading, a face in the ocean of sheep Walking against their progressive advance Biting my fingers to blood, as they sleep Biting my fingers, these victims of chance Treading away on my hands and my knees Lifting my eyes as the snowscreen allays Smelling perfume as it floats on the breeze Smelling perfume, as it dances and plays Crawling, without any pride or remorse Seeking the one that I smell and I feel Clutching the lover, deterring my course Clutching her close to my body of steel Stroking her skin, so romantic and bleak Into her face, my despondency drips Tasting compassion, so warm on my cheek Tasting compassion, so cool on my lips Treading adrift in the stirring of snow Out of my kingdom, and into her clutch Hold me so tightly, I'll never let go Hold me so tightly, I love you so much [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 04-13-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
"Stroking her skin, so romantic and bleak Into her face, my despondency drips" That line was amazing...ALAN, once again an amazing job, this one was one of my favorites from the series...i cant wait for more.. How many more do you think that there are going to be?? Well, there isnt much more to be said...  WOWSERS!! This was soooooo goooood...... Jeff Live a little everyday, and when its all over you'll have lived a alot. |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
VERY impressive, Allan. I really loved this one... my favorite in the series (are you really surprised?). The flow was wonderful, and the emotions really grab you. Great work, pal!  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
You always amaze me with the brilliance of your writing. the flow of this was perfect and the images were, as always, beautiful and alive. i am really enjoying this series, the entire collection is truly masterful work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
Another brilliant one Allan. I'm really starting to enjoy this series. Keep it up. It can't be! He exists.. Master of the Oceans! It's.. Leviathan... [This message has been edited by Kosetsu (edited 04-13-2001).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well done Allan! I enjoyed this greatly. I really did. One of my favs. The ending left me with some sort of feeling....Erm.....  ....hehe anyway I liked it. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Ok well I tried to get over the utter sense of..how shall I say this? Wow, yep that's the best way. I tried to get over the utter sense of wow, but it didn't work so I'm stickin to it....Loved the emotion in this one, juuust looved it. ~Carly There are pleasures in poetic pains that only poets know......~Unknown |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Told ya I'm slow. Forgot to click the library button. DUH! |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
beautiful! great job on this  keep writin... |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Each post in this series just gets better and better! This one is my favorite in the series, and another one that's going into the library. The images and description in this poem is so beautiful. The flow is perfect, and the I love the format! Wonderful job, Allan! I'm truly impressed.  --Marie |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
DOH! I forgot to click the library button... subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
This was the first i read any of your poems and i really liked it. good job. *S*staci |
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