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Teen Poetry #4
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Veronica
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Veronica |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA 
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The winds were wailing and whining. All eyes were looking to the west. The peak of Calvary was shinning To guide the fated and the blessed. The sand was blowing in my face, And slightly squinting fearful eyes, Among the mob, I caught your gaze And found You hard to recognize. The pain You suffered for our sins,- I felt your torment like a mother! And your appearance made me wince, And your assurance made me shudder. I rushed to wipe your sweat and blood,-- Moved by mere pity and compassion. And through the dust, the dirt, the mud, I recognized Your love, Your passion! And when I grasped the cloth again To wipe my tears, I saw emerging Your handsome outline on my hand, And understood, I was a virgin. [This message has been edited by Master (edited 04-10-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved | |||
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Very well-written piece here. You just bring everything to life so well, and it makes the reader really feel as if they are watching Christ march to Calvery... although I don't exactly get the title. Beautiful work, thanks for sharing.  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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Empty tears Member
since 2001-03-12
Posts 64 |
I really liked this. I have been raised in a Christian home...Ive heard this story so much i started 2 take it for granted, but this poem really brought This event to life. Thank you for sharing this even though i dont get the title either. ~Brittany~ |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Thank you! Have you heard of "Stations of the Cross"? Well, station VI (I think), is when Veronica comes up to Jesus and uses a piece of cloth to wipe off his blood and sweat. Later when she looks at it, she finds Jesus' face outlined on the cloth. So, that's what the poem's about. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Pretty good, Master! I'm going to critique the meter of the poem, I think some of it has a wonderful tetrameter feel to it, but other parts of it kind of don't follow this would-be theme. When I read the feel was altered a bit when I was forced to off-beat my reading rhythm at "moved by mere pity and compassion." I think if you took a minute to redo the whole poem, in tetrameter, it would turn out marvelously. Although this is still a fine poem.  ~Allan The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further" [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 04-10-2001).] |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Very nicely done, Master! I really enjoyed reading this... I have heard of the story you're talking about, and it answered a few questions as to why this story sounded kind of familiar. Nice job! Thanks for sharing. --Marie |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
I thought you did an excellent job creating this scene and used imagery very well in this. i went to a catholic middle school and sitting through the stations in mass every year was how i heard the story of veronica originally. very nicely done. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nicely done here mAster......the explanation really helped me comprehend the whole thing.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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