Poetry of "" a small town in Texas #4

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Teen Poetry #4

Poetry of "" a small town in Texas #4

Tamma

Senior Member

since 2000-01-17

Posts 794
In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV

0 posted 2001-04-10 04:00 PM

Yea, I know you’ve seen me again
But that doesn’t matter to me at all
I’m with him now, things are great
You seem to look at me different now
As if I have changed, in a way
But I can assure you I’m the same
Ol’ Kiara that I always have been
I’ve just found someone new
In my new little town . . .

Those girls on TV don't know that being
36-24-36 doesn't mean a thing unless
you got the face to back it up

[This message has been edited by Tamma (edited 04-10-2001).]

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-04-10 06:09 PM

Hey, Tamma. I think this would be a lot better if you tried to restrict yourself a bit... have you considered blank verse? It tends to turn out very nicely, and isn't all that "format"ish. Ask your English teacher about it maybe.....
Just a suggestion. I think it would add an artistic flare to this series.
~Allan

The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further"

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

2 posted 2001-04-10 08:32 PM

This is pretty good. Not my fav from you, but still pretty good. I'm enjoying this series, and looking forward to the next. Nice job.

--Marie

"Hope is a thing with feathers that perches in the soul." --Emily Dickinson

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

3 posted 2001-04-11 10:05 AM

I agree with allan about the blank verse, i think that would be something interesting to try. ki'm looking forward the rest of the series, so keep posting your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

4 posted 2001-04-11 02:12 PM

This is pretty good and completely truthful. I have a question, can anyone ever be too truthful??? I always tell my four best friends the truth and now they're saying I lied to them. ANd I didn't.

I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to. I never thought that I couldn't.
Life's tough, get a helmet.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-04-11 08:48 PM

This was pretty good. I like the others better though. I hope to see more in the series.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

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