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Teen Poetry #4
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i dunno
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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i dunno |
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sinfully_seductive Junior Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 31 |
as the moments pass me by i hear your smile upon my ears i taste your beauty upon my lips i see your sweetness upon my eyes i smell your aroma upon my fingertips this is how you make me feel all jumbled and twisted inside i await each slowly passing day for just one simple glance of you you're all i want you're all i need you're all i've ever hoped for while waiting the seconds, the minutes, the hours, the days, i feel like you i'll never see time seems to rush and slip away every moment we're apart i just want you to know one thing you're always with me in my heart |
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| © Copyright 2001 wolf - All Rights Reserved | |||
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is a very well written poem. I think the flow is very nice. The only thing is in some of the stanzas I would add a little punctuation to help the flow a little more. Nicely done with this poem. Oh, and I like your name  --Marie "Hope is a thing with feathers that perches in the soul." --Emily Dickinson |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Very sweet here...I liked it a very lot. ~Carly NOTE TO SELF: Live to love and love to live. |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Being seperated from the one you love is a painful thing, and your poem outlines this perfectly. Very well done. Thanks for sharing.  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I was thinking what Marie was... about punctuation. Although I must compliment the creative approach you took to it, taking one thing (senses, time) for a portion of the poem and describing different subdivisions of it. (minutes, smell...) That was pretty clever. ~Allan The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further" |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
I certainly know hoe you feel with this one, waiting to see someone again is a very hard thing to do. this is a great piece, keep posting your work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought this was a sweet poem. i liked it. Within this poem the punctuation didn't really stop the flow, at least for me. Some poems really REQUIRE proper punctuation because if not the poem would make no sense, but this one did. Good job!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
very sweet poem =o) |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is so sweet! I enjoyed the read. Nice job. --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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