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Deadly Flaw&A Floating Fight (Completion of 6th Round)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Deadly Flaw&A Floating Fight (Completion of 6th Round) |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico 
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NOTE: Yes, that's right! It's over and done with! Thank the Lord almighty!!!! I have finally completed the 6th round. Within this thread you will see two poems. One short and one regular. Please comment on both....  Deadly Flaw: A viper bliss soon to be With poisonous venom attacks. The deadly bite you shall not see. Perception is what you lack. ********************************************* A Floating Fight: And so we're lost forever In our seas of fears. Idle dreams of falsehood Until the ocean clears. Rocking boat of love Swaying from left to right. Giving in is too easy. Out living our fight. And in your eyes Your dingy has sank Within phony feeling, And undesired thank. We're the chosen ones With a passion driven boat. You're sinking under water, And yet I stay afloat.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Pepe de la Muerte - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Both of them were just amazing, Javier. That's all I can really say. Just amazing. I had a dream once that I could fly and I laughed at everyone and kicked them in the back of the head because they couldn't fly too. :) |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Yeah, they are pretty good man! I especially like the second one, the first one contained a thought that could have been stretched out over a larger area, in my opinion. It was just a bit too short. Still a good few posts. What do you mean by the sixth round? Forgive my ignorance.  ~Allan The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further" |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
I liked both of these, Javier. The way you see things is different from me. I know I'll learn something from that. Good job. Please keep posting. Thanks. "I hate quotes, they suck!" |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
nicely written.keep writing. dopey like always man. great poem [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-10-2001).] |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Hurraayy!!! Does this mean we get to see your new stuffs Javi? I can't remember if you mentioned anything about a seventh round..anyways these poems KICKED. I liked the way the first one was very to-the-point, it made it easier to understand at 7 in the morning. The sencond one was very good too, the last stanza being my fave. Wellll ciao! ~Carly NOTE TO SELF: Live to love and love to live. |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
amazing job Javier. Both of them were great. So the 6th round(?) done , kewl. Im still figuring that out. great! Regina a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
I thought both of these were amazing poems, incredibly well written. as far as the 6th round goes, i'm lost, but i'm used to that. great job, i can't wait to read more of your work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Congratulations on finally finishing the 6th round. What a good way to end it too. Both were really good. On to the more current stuff now, right? Cant' wait! Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I also think you could have expanded on the first one a little more... but both were excellent, and very well written. It's good to read more from you! Great job on both. --Marie "Hope is a thing with feathers that perches in the soul." --Emily Dickinson |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Both of these were well-written, but I enjoyed the second one the most. I especally love this stanza: "We're the chosen ones With a passion driven boat. You're sinking under water, And yet I stay afloat." Keep 'em coming, pal!  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Not bad Dopey, not bad at all.... Seems like you've been sarcastic or attacking someone lately why's that? "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was my bitter self talking about my X. Very old pieces....more than half a year old  |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
hey javvie.. ..im being naughty again...you know why..*looks guilty*hey i loved them both..but i gotta say sumthing about the first one..the deadly flaw in deadly flaw ( haha )is tautology...however you may spell that... "you shall not see, perception is what you lack" i know what you're trying to say bubber...but its kinda repeating yourself  i LOVED the second one cuz of the way you kept to the theme of sailing..hhehehe..you rock!! "Life is not long and boring, |
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Bishop Junior Member
since 2001-04-22
Posts 30Nottingham, England |
Very good man! I know what you mean when I'm reading this! ^*Bishop*^ |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I'm BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyways, great job Dopey! Congrats on completion of 6th round!!!!! BYES~! I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to. I never thought that I couldn't. |
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