»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #4
»
Need Some Serious Feedback
| Teen Poetry #4 |
|
Need Some Serious Feedback |
|
|
I only submit songs Junior Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 16NY,NY |
(1) I'm sorry if being with me makes you sad Im sorry if its me who gets you mad I apoligise if waking up next to me is waking up somewhere you dont wanna be What can i say if i get jelous so easily When you look at another guy, i wish that other guy was me But from the start i told you The only thing i can do is be your immature boyfriend When i walk away your supposed to follow and when i tlak that way you shud know my head is hollow I know its wrong to stay mad for so long But all i ever do is wrong You always knew that all i coudl be to you was your imature boyfriend I pray you know I will always love you And all i know is always thinking of you Just who i can be isnt for me to choose As long as this me, is always with you I will always be your immature boyfriend ____________________________________________________ (2) Lifes getting harder... every day sometimes i wish i cudnt stay awake wouldnt have to... here your lies as your hate and depression eat me up inside Paranoias...playing games Everyone is differnt but their all the same cant fight this feeling...im not ok need some time somewhere far away? feelin all alone as my mind drifts away goin back to times wen i got all i could take you stole my heart and returned it all decayed your standing right behind me cant seem to get away from you ____________________________________________________(3) See there's this girl in school and I've been watching her for weeks I watch every step she takes And hear every word she speaks I think i may love her I've never felt this way before My friends say i should tell her But i don't wanna meet the floor So I said Hun, I been watching you for a long time And I'm sorry if right now is the wrong time. But i love you and i felt i should tell you how i feel Your the only thing that makes my life seem halfway real So she said I heard every word you said and i understand real well so that's why my response is seek professional help Ohohoh Seek Professional Help. My friend has a girlfriend he's been with her for weeks she watches every step he takes And hears every word he speaks She claims that she loves him never felt this way before his friends say he should dump her and help her pick her heart up off the floor She always talks about her father beating her Some times I just wanna beat her my self. He understands..that she's crazy she needs to seek professional help Ohohoh Seek Professional Help. 4-8-01 My other netpoets user name is the mike sacks, thats the name i post my poetry on, but my songs i post on this. |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Mike Sacks - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Poet Devinest New Member
since 2001-04-09
Posts 1 |
I remember a time when Ron had this sight going well, before he had a thousand moderators who ruin the concept of poetry, the idea that you can say whatever you want to describe how you feel. But now these moderators ruin the sence of poetry. They treat us all like children, children are gagged and forbidden to speak their minds until they become teens, and when they become teens they get ridiculed for it, just like you see here on this website, i been on this site since the second week it opened. Ron did all the work him self, with his leveled mind, instead of finding incapable imbasels who dont know what poetry is! |
||
|
Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
First off, a question for Poet Devinist. What did any of that have to do with these songs? Anyway, "I only submit songs", those were pretty good. But I'd advise you to brush up on your spelling a bit (yes, I know you say your spelling sucks, but it can be fixed). The third song, "Seek Professional Help", was a little strange..it just sort of left me hanging. Why not try adding another set of verses? It can't be! |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
