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Teen Poetry #4
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Thoughts of Romance and a Pinch of Love
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Thoughts of Romance and a Pinch of Love |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Thoughts of Romance and a Pinch of Love Beating hearts and crazy thoughts will never go away. As long as I am with you, I'll be happy everyday. Romantic dinners and midnight walks pull us closer together. As I stared into your eyes, I said I'll love you forever. Happy moments and sad memories are apart of you and I. My heart will never forget that, even if we say goodbye. I want to thank everyone for your previous replies to my poems, it means alot. THANX EVERYONE! Thanks for that welcoming ecard Allan. "It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all" ~Unknown [This message has been edited by Low Man's Lyric (edited 04-08-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Aaron B. - All Rights Reserved | |||
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
isn't it ALLAN ? anyways... nice job on this i liked it  |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
ooops I ment Allan, sorry about that. "It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all" ~Unknown |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Haha... not a problem. There is an edit button in the row of icons just above your post, it allows you to make changes to your post such as spelling errors, so that you need not worry about replying your own thread to point them out. Don't pin the e-card onto me personally, it's just a symbol of everyone here, the moderating team and the members. It was on behalf of all of us, not just me. I was just the one to put my name on it is all.  Enough of this, onto the poem. haha  I really liked the first stanza, it flowed very well. The meter you used in it was magnificent. I must be honest with you, I felt that the meter began to deteriorate after that part, it should be paid more attention. It hurt the flow for me quite signifigantly. The scheme was simple, and I liked it a great deal. an 8686 syllable scheme was also clever, although once again, you strayed from it a bit. The first stanza was awesome... you should try to make the others fit it a bit more. They'd be better with similar meter and syllable schemes, the poem would flow incredibly well then. Just my own Allan-brand criticism. I still think the poem is great, but I respect your skill enough to know you'll be able to accept a few critiques. ~Allan The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further" |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nicely done here. I enjoyed this poem greatly.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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katherine Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Canberra Australia |
this is sweet. i really like it! kate |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, This is a great poem, I loved it. Haha Allan wrote a book heheh-- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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Hand Me Down Junior Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 32WV |
Loved the poem, its awsome. "Cause I can't fix something this complex anymore than I can build a rose" |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is a beautiful poem... It's kind of sad, but still very well written. I can't wait to read more so keep posting. --Marie "Hope is a thing with feathers that perches in the soul." --Emily Dickinson |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Thats ok Allan, I like your Allan brand criticism! I welcome any critics. "Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you die" |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
As much as I try, I can't be a critic. OH WELL! I'm over it, are you? Good. RIGHT! Very good poem, made me go all "awwwwww" ~Carly NOTE TO SELF: Live to love and love to live. |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
I really enjoy readign your work, you are a very talented writer. I really liked this, a very sweet piece. keep writing and posting. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
this was great. The whole romantic scene you painted was quiet beautiful Regina a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Thanks so much everyone. Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." |
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