»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #4
»
Father's Smiles (paradelle)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
|
Father's Smiles (paradelle) |
|
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
|
fire's snow is crisp fire's snow is crisp falling until gone falling until gone crisp snow is falling until fire's gone oddly, children walk oddly, children walk sunshine, merry, grows sunshine, merry, grows walk, merry sunshine, oddly grows children twisted torrent smiles twisted torrent smiles the father's heart is killed the father's heart is killed the heart is twisted torrent killed father's smiles crisp is the snow merry is sunshine grows, until twisted oddly heart killed, torrent smiles walk, children. father's falling... fire's gone. |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marshalzu 
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
This is great, I just loved the build up to your last stanza. Andrew " No Army can conquer a galaxy, yet faith alone can overturn the universe." |
||
|
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I always felt this style was quite interesting. I liked it allan....well done.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
||
|
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
the repetition was interesting yet nicely written. i liked it! great job on another poem. thanks for the read allan  |
||
|
Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
this was great. i like this style, suits the poem or vice versa. Regina a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain |
||
|
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is so amazing, Allan! This is going straight into my library! I LOVED the style, it's very unique. I really liked the last stanza... this is excellent. Keep posting!! --Marie It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. |
||
|
banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
This is really amazing! the format is incredible and it certainly works the mind overtime. This one goes into the library. great job, keep posting Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
||
|
princess^sarah Member
since 2001-01-12
Posts 131melbourne |
wow... thats great allan! you really have a good talent! keep up the great work!  |
||
|
Empty tears Member
since 2001-03-12
Posts 64 |
Very interesting,i really like this poem.good flow,good repetition,Good poem! Death is but an escape from loneliness |
||
|
katherine Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Canberra Australia |
well awesome as usual. kate |
||
|
AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
Dearest Allan, Very...repetative...and before you accuse me of being an imbecile...yes, I know, it's SUPPOSED to be repetative... Good. |
||
|
AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
Dearest Allan, Very...repetative...and before you accuse me of being an imbecile...yes, I know, it's SUPPOSED to be repetative... Good. |
||
|
AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
Dearest Allan, Very...repetative...and before you accuse me of being an imbecile...yes, I know, it's SUPPOSED to be repetative... Good. |
||
|
AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
Dearest Allan, Very...repetative...and before you accuse me of being a no good imbecile, I know, I know, it's supposed to be like that... Very well. |
||
|
AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
Many appologies...but my computer decided that it didn't want to work and therefore continued to post my reply over and over and over again. Once again...sorry. |
||
|
Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, Great poem Allen -- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
||
|
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Dearest Michelle. Thanks for the replies. Very repetitive.  Well the Paradelle is supposed to be that way, the format is that the last two lines of each stanza are the words from the first four lines rearranged. Furthermore, the last stanza is every word from the first three stanzas rearranged. It's all just taking the words and mixing them around. It's hard to do, but a lot of fun and you should try it sometime. ~Allan The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further" |
||
|
Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
You've mastered yet another style with brilliance and greatness...An addition to the library... Keep smilin.~Carly NOTE TO SELF: Live to love and love to live. |
||
|
JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
I loved it! |
||
|
AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
Well, Dearest Allan, If you'd explained what the word meant in the first place then maybe I would not have opened myself up to this undeniably fun (for you, not me) torture in the form of 'teasing'. I can't help it if I'm intellectually challenged and to discriminate against me is unfair!!    Any more sarcastic remarks you would like to make?? |
||
|
Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Once again Allan, I just hafta say you're awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! This is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!! Tell me when you write a book so I can buy it. Because you could write a book, ya know. I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to. I never thought that I couldn't. |
||
|
Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
I liked it. This is different from the rest, but I think if you work on this style, it would be great!! *~*Me*~* |
||
|
dreamer1 12 5 24 Member
since 2000-12-11
Posts 150crossing between |
I really liked this poem, it was in a style I'd never read before. I enjoyed it. ....peace as a primary objective is dangerous because it implies that we would sacrifice any principle for the sake of it.... |
||
|
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
*BUMP* Everyone needs to get a chance to read this... subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
||
|
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Impressive I haven't read you in a while and am glad that I just did again "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
||
|
Chel Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 511Baltimore, MD, USA |
I tried to find a poem of yours to reply to. I liked the repetition. Keep up the great work. Chel "True friends stab you in the front." |
||
|
cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
WOW.... need i say more?? "Life is not long and boring, |
||
|
Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
I know i've already replied once but this is so good I had to reply again Zu " The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson |
||
|
knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
lol thanx for bumpin this! allan that was like whoa i like muchs!!!!!!!! *adds to library* tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
