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Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

0 posted 2001-04-09 04:35 PM

Crocodile.

I can smell something burning,
I think my hearts on fire,
I think I’m only learning,
Why I’m on this pire,
Flame thrower to my heart,
Burn me once again,
I am ripped apart,
The flames leave me in great pain,
I thought that you might love me,
And so I loved you back,
Come and watch and see,
As my heart is charred and black,
Your nothing but a crocodile,
Churchill would be proud,
Come on burn me pyrophile,
Destroy me before this crowd.

" No Army can conquer a galaxy, yet faith alone can overturn the universe."

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

1 posted 2001-04-09 07:50 PM

Great feeling in this one, you expressed your emotions really well. the flow broke off a little in the middle but other than that this was great. keep writing and posting.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-04-09 09:20 PM

Very very well done!
I loved this. Awesome poem.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Attack Ferrit
Junior Member

since 2001-04-09

Posts 41
texas

3 posted 2001-04-09 10:06 PM

very nice. i like how the fire theme was present throughout. like banburycross said the flow was shakey in the middle but still very nice.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

4 posted 2001-04-09 11:29 PM

Oohh.... simply amazing, Marshal. This is one for the library, I believe it's your best yet. Pyrophile... great word.

The title of this one RULES too! You and your excellent titles.....
~Allan

The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further"

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

5 posted 2001-04-10 09:34 AM

Thanks guys, the title comes from the nickname for the flamethrower modification to the Churchill tanks of world war two. Thanks for all the critiques.
Andrew

" No Army can conquer a galaxy, yet faith alone can overturn the universe."

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

6 posted 2001-04-14 06:57 PM

well done
really intersting way of putting things
i hope to see more

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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