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Teen Poetry #4
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The War
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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The War |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Kill the millions! Slay the enemy, show my hate Destroy, kill, defeat! "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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| © Copyright 2001 fractal007 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
How come whenever I click on a new poem it's by you huh? You having a poetry picnic? Oh boy...I think I may be slowly losing it...oh well...aren't we all. Once again, very...short... P.S, I think I may have failed to mention that I did like it. |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
I didn't know if this was intended to be in haiku form or not but it's very close so i think it might work best that way. short and powerful, keep posting Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
At first sight, it looked like it would be too short, but this has a powerful message.. nice job! The length works really well. --Marie It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Now this one was a bit reeerish. I liked it though. Very good!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
"Love your enemies as you love yourself" quote, unquote "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Why wasn't this a senryu? That's a bit disappointing... made me almost think you were lazy on this one. I even assumed it was a senryu until I did the syllable count. That was a let-down... The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further" |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Whats a "senryu"? "Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you die." |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
I too thought this was a senryu until I counted, but whatever. I don't think there is any reason there shouldn't be a a format that is 5,8,5. Infact... now there is. We will call them 'a fractal' I encourage every one to write a fractal... now remember fractals are traditionaly about war... Holly cow... did I get off track there... sorry... I liked the poem... very harsh but straight forward, and full of real emotion. Jason [This message has been edited by IsGona (edited 04-10-2001).] |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Crap! You're right! This does have an 8 syllable line! LOL, I wouldn't call this a fractal. The term fractal is spoken for. It's a mathematical term meaning something which is infinitely complex. You can keep zooming in on it and you never find the "elementary" thing which makes it up. Low Man's Lyric: A senryu is a small poem which is oriental[Japanese I'm pretty sure] in origin. It's a poem which usually carries a good point, often spiritual, and often something that is meant to be meditated upon. Senryus differ from haikus in that they are not based upon natural themes. Both senryu and haiku are poems with three lines, the first with 5 syllables, then the second with 7 and the third and final with five again. You might like to try writing them sometime. They are often fun and good for jogging the creative mind. Heck you can even write them about writer's blocks, lol. BTW, thanks everybody for the replies. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
One word, Frac- En'my.     |
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