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Teen Poetry #4
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fozzyozzy
Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

0 posted 2001-04-05 09:38 PM


In Distress

I don't believe you're an enemy or a friend
You are as absolute as the end
A collection of greed and my worst qualities
I'll love you and do as you please
I have no mirror, will you be my guide?
Feel free to come along for the ride
I've always needed someone like you
A woman so horrible and true
To wound a lesser being
With your mind appearing
If possession is the only matter
Take our love and let it shatter
Why should I care now when you cry
Would you be phased if I were to die?
An air of satisfaction in the air
To see you in pain that I also bear
But my conscience calls
To bring myself again into your walls
We've both taken a love-lorn dive
Twas my turn to ensure you survive?
Where is my reward?
Stabbed again by your venomous sword
Deriving its power from my soul
To leave in it a bitter hole.
--------------------------------
I wanted to ask you people something.  I've attempted a few styles in the past, and I was curious which one you folks thought was the best.


© Copyright 2001 Sean Michael DeFlora - All Rights Reserved
banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
1 posted 2001-04-05 09:43 PM


well, i've read all the poems that you've posted recently and i have to say that this is one of the best.  powerful poem, i really enjoyed it.  keep posting and replying

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
2 posted 2001-04-06 01:18 PM


Having a bit of  trouble within the relationship? Anyhow I'm not sure which style I like best. I can't really pick one. I liked this poem though.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
3 posted 2001-04-07 12:45 PM


"I have no mirror, will you be my guide?"

This style is great!  I like this one.
The poem is excellent.  I enjoyed the read.

--Marie

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Child of the Stars
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Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
4 posted 2001-04-08 09:57 PM


  The same line that caught Fading's eye caught mine too...very good work here...probably one of your best, though I haven't read all of them...be sure to keep posting.  
  ~Carly

NOTE TO SELF: Live to love and love to live.

anonymous albert ?
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

5 posted 2001-04-09 05:28 AM


niceee great job on this keep writin  
Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
6 posted 2001-04-09 10:01 AM


This was quite good!  I really like the last line.  
As for your best... my vote goes to "For the One She Misses."  That poem just blew me away.
Format-wise, I'd also bring attention to "Nine Inch Foil."  That was such an original format, it really did impress me a lot.
I hope to see more of your work.  
~Allan

The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further"

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