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Teen Poetry #4
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starryeyed999
Junior Member
since 2001-03-05
Posts 35


0 posted 2001-04-03 09:32 PM



I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down.
I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am.
I never wanted it to end like this.
I always wanted to have your kiss.
I never thought that you would leave.
I just wanted you here always and forever.
My mind will never let you go.
Our gentle wind will always blow.
You will never leave my heart or soul.
You will always remain the one I shall love.
Always.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I tried to have every other line always and everyother line never! tell me if you liked it! And what worked and what didn't ;o)

<*Lacy*>
"I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look good either. I'll get back to you."

© Copyright 2001 starryeyed999 - All Rights Reserved
Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
1 posted 2001-04-03 11:02 PM


Nicely done. i thought it worked out just fine. Very nice.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

2 posted 2001-04-04 12:24 PM


i liked throughout the way it was written but the end line how it ended seemed as little ackward but the rest was jus fine keep writin
Elvenblood
Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409
Maine, USA
3 posted 2001-04-04 02:00 PM


    Oh, this is ovely!  I love that!  Thanks for writing it!

No angels in heaven nor demons below the sea, could ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
4 posted 2001-04-05 08:23 AM


This was a beautiful piece, really something that was a pleasure to read.  keep writing and posting.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Linc
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy
5 posted 2001-04-05 12:46 PM


Hey,

   I agree with them its a great poem keep it up hope to see mor like it

    -- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
6 posted 2001-04-09 10:21 PM


Good write my friend.  Such a straight and honest penning of your feelings.  Good job

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
7 posted 2001-04-09 11:44 PM


Very cute, emotional... just overall another sweet poem.  
~Allan

The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further"

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

8 posted 2001-04-10 02:41 AM


i keep postin twice on the same poems pplz understand hehe

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-10-2001).]

fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

9 posted 2001-04-10 04:33 AM


A good poem.  I thought the repetition was a good touch here.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

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