please help with the title

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Poet on Acid
Member

since 2001-01-07

Posts 325
Florida, USA

0 posted 2001-04-01 12:59 PM

Too much light
Can blind your sight
Only the darkness of night
Can keep your mind right

Clear your mind
Try to find
What’s behind
The eyes so blind

Look at him scare
As his perceptions of fair
Are skinned bear
And his eyes begin the glare

Say goodbye
To the sky
With one final sigh
As you slowly die

And finally know what’s real
Stop being able to feel
The kiss of death there to seal
This last and final deal

For some reason I have been using this format lately...I think it's because I'm lazy and don't wanna experiment all that much..

>¶ØÊ†<

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

1 posted 2001-04-01 08:05 AM

Hey,

I am speech-less this is another great poem. I can't what to see the next keep them coming. Your a great poet. Until your next masterpiece (soon I hope)

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

2 posted 2001-04-01 04:59 PM

Ohh, Poet does it again. Very nice job here, can't think of a title, my brain's kinda shot...(stupid meds) anyways, yeah. peace.

~Carly

Many miles behind my eyelashes, there always seems to be
the strangest things, the slightly sane, that only I can see...

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

3 posted 2001-04-01 07:13 PM

This is a great piece. Your work amazes me more and more each time I read a new poem. Nicely done yet again.

--Marie

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-04-02 10:57 PM

Nicely done, but not my fav from you.
Anyhow, it was a good poem nonetheless.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

orange()alligator
Junior Member

since 2001-02-06

Posts 21

5 posted 2001-04-04 12:52 PM

~PoA~
hey! what's up? i thought you were really good at writing stuff before, but you seem to have gotten a lot better! go t! lol
-berg-

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

6 posted 2001-04-04 02:02 AM

hey poet..

nice poem ...but i think that you should try and vary it sumwhat cos:
1. sumtimes it give more emphisis to what you're trying to convery in your poetry
2. ryhme schemes like the one you have used may get monotonous ( have i spelt that one right?? )
i liked it though ..dont think that i didnt..

one more thing though poet...its just a suggestoin but do you think you could replace:
And his eyes begin the glare
to
And his eyes begin TO glare
i dont know what you wanted the meaning to be but it just gives it that smoothness i think you tried to achieve through your ryhme scheme
muah!

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

7 posted 2001-04-04 09:23 AM

This is once again really excellent work, i really like your poetry. i don't really know about a title, for some reason i really like blind leading the blind, but that's just me. anyway, excellent work and keep posting.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

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