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Teen Poetry #4
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See What It Has Done To Me
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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See What It Has Done To Me |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people 
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There's not much here in this post. I haven't been replying a lot lately, but you all can forgive me for that, can't you? This is kinda old now, I don't care if you tell me if it sucks  See What It Has Done To Me Look at my face see that I'm crying, Look in my heart learn that I'm dying, Look at my hands see that they're trembling, Look in my mind learn the pain it's remembering. October 10, 2000 "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" |
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| © Copyright 2001 Lakewalker - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
it was good, didnt suck at all. powerful words. Regina a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain |
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ethel lahootie Member
since 2001-03-06
Posts 143SC, USA |
i like it. it was short but strong...very good!  -jo- |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Not bad, the rhyme at the end was a bit iffy. Still, short and powerful message. ~Allan Its rather handy being at the top of the food chain...you can sort things out and not get the blame for it. ~~Elizabeth Johnson (anonymousfemale) |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Very powerful poem here. Great job. --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Lakewalker, I think it's a little too short but it is good. Very strong words and good rhyme scheme. I liked it. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Hey Lake, it sucked.  No it didn't. Far from it actually. I found I could really connect with this. So much that it is heading into the library. Oooh *jumps up and down like this  * Lakewalker is in my library.  ~AF~ Death is delightful. Death is dawn, the waking from a weary night of fevers unto truth and light. |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Lakey, it definately didn't suck at all! How's life? I love this. Not a lot of words, but you can hear the point in each one of them and all that makes it AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to. I never thought that I couldn't. |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
So many powerful emotions in these few lines... I don't see how you do it! This definently does not suck, and it's really good to see work from you again. Thanks for sharing.  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
This was short but good. Very to-the-point. It didn't suck at all. Jenn "I'm a big, big, girl, in a big, big world, it's not a big, big thing if you leave me, but I do feel, that I will miss you much..." Emilia |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
hey luke..:O the only thing that sucked was you saying that it sucked.. but i agree with everybody...its one mother of a powerful poem. i liked the recurring "look at..".. good choice of concise and emotive language... good stuff.. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Hey everyone! Thank you all for your comments I'd just like to point out that I didn't say I think this one sucks, I just said you could tell me if it did. That's two toally different things. Oh well, I appreciate your comments  "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
liar lake! you thought it sucked! Anyhow, I thought it was great. You did wonderful on this piece.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Lakewalker~ Boy ohh boy. Its been a long time. But I read this poem and you got straight to the point. Letting out your feeling quickly and simple. Great job!!! Keep it up buddy!! People leave our lives as quickly as they come, but the ones that mean something leave footprints in our hearts. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Dopey, I'm not a liar. I swear I'm not! ERIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It has been forever since you've stopped by. It's great to see you back "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
great job on this one but u knoe wat though i think poems written "when" doesn't matter but how the poem was written from the poets heart at the time it was written |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
direct to the point...gotta luv that great work Lake"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
hey, I didn't think it sucked I liked it and hope you start to post more often I miss your work until your next poem ( oh and congrats on 3000)-- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Thank you for your thoughts everyone! "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I honestly think this is good.  |
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silvrduck Member
since 2000-11-05
Posts 146 |
So much in so little. This is really great Lake. Take care ~Sarah *The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.* |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
hehe i replyed again i forgot i replyed already as i said great poem though... sorry but it gets kinda confusin after a while replyin and readin all thes poems [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-09-2001).] |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
I am sorry you think it sucks, but I dont. Great job. Dont stop posting again, b/c I really want to see more of your poetry! *~*Me*~* |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
This poem is short but powerful, i really liked it. keep posting your poetry. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Thank you for your comments you two  Why does no one believe that I don't think it sucks? I never said it did, I just said if that's YOUR thoughts, you could think that and be open to tell me. I don't think it sucks. If you do, that's fine, and you can tell me. That's all I was saying. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
well, i think it sucks grinsno, not really, for me, the strength of this piece lies in the last two lines...wasn't expecting them and they kinda of gave me a jolt |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
I like this one alot. It's short, but short is never necessarily a bad thing. You said alot in a short amount of space and it's well written. Good job! ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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