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Teen Poetry #4
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keoni
Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

0 posted 2001-03-28 10:57 AM


This is quite an old one, over 2 years back. I thought I'd share it anyway

I'm long gone
I'm forgotten
It used to be my heartbeat stoppin'
Every time you walk by
My heart would skip, I'd have to sigh
Now I'm alone and I wonder why
Why are you gone?
What did I do?
What could I have done to really hurt you?

Are you coming back?
Is this for good?
How can you feel so misunderstood?

What ever happened to you and me?
What ever happened to eternity?

How can you be so dang unfair?
Did you ever even really care?

You think that you're the only one who has some fears?
You think that you're the only one to shed some tears?

With you I can't figure out how to win
Why am I even still sitting here wonderin'?



"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine

[This message has been edited by LoveBug (edited 03-28-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Jon - All Rights Reserved
LoveBug
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since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

1 posted 2001-03-28 03:47 PM


It's good to share things from the past sometimes. These are some tough questions that you're asking. I'm sure that writing this helped the rage subside a bit. Thanks for sharing.

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

Child of the Stars
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Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
2 posted 2001-03-30 12:42 PM


  Questions are soo super! I liked this one. You'd better stay COOL yo!!!!
  ~Carly

Many miles behind my eyelashes, there always seems to be
the strangest things, the slightly sane, that only I can see...

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
3 posted 2001-03-30 12:51 PM


The feeling of the poem was good and the format was very interesting.  I liked the use of the couplets in the poem.  The last line seemed a little bulky and didn't quite fit the rythm, but overall it was good.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
4 posted 2001-03-31 03:37 PM


The rhyme scheme here is really well done.  Nice job.

--Marie

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
5 posted 2001-04-01 09:00 PM


Nicely done here. I liked this one a lot and hope to see more!!!!!!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
6 posted 2001-04-09 05:21 PM


So, many questions......
I hope you get the answers and peace of mind
thanks for the read
keep sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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