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Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

0 posted 2001-03-27 08:27 AM

I'm affraid to let go of you,
affraid to trust myself enough,
to not forget you,
and for you to not forget me.

Although I've found someone else,
someone better for me,
I'm affraid to let go of you,
because you're all I know.

I'm afraid to turn my back,
on all that I've ever known,
for just one half shot,
and possible happiness.

I'm affraid to try and let go,
to try and be brave,
to try and love him,
like I loved you.

I'm affraid to be myself,
and to try and leave,
to love him like I do,
to just love him while he's there.

I loved you when you were there,
but you hardly ever were,
and when you weren't there,
I was affraid.

And I don't want to be affraid.

I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to. I never thought that I couldn't.

Life is what happens when you're making ot

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

1 posted 2001-03-27 11:35 AM

Allysa,
This poem was great. It's going in the library. This is the same exact thing a friend of mine is going through, just a few extra twists thrown in. I would like to show it to her, can I e-mail this one to her.
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

2 posted 2001-03-27 01:39 PM

You mis-spelled "afraid."
But I think this poem was alright.  It has a good idea to it, although at the end you were a bit redundant.  I think the last line could be removed, it wasn't exactly necessary.
Other than that, not too bad.  I have seen you do better before.
I did like the tense-shift on the second last line, that's one reason why I think it should end the poem.

~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-03-27 01:48 PM

it was a nice written poem but like allan said the last line w/out would seem better 4 the poem
good poem keep writin

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-03-27 03:11 PM

I thought this was beautiful. I really liked how you seperated the last line from the rest of the poem. It created a nice effect.
Nicely done here allysa!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

5 posted 2001-03-27 04:25 PM

Go ahead and e mail it to your friend. Thanks everyone, for reading. G2g, see yas tomorrow.

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

6 posted 2001-03-28 04:48 PM

Beautiful, Allysa. Another one going straight to my library. This one is one of my favorites from you so far. Keep posting. Great job.

--Marie

I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

7 posted 2001-03-28 07:19 PM

Beautiful poem Allysa
but I have to agree with Allan
you kinda lost a bit of the poem in the end
you did good though
thanks for sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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