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IsGona
Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723


0 posted 2001-03-26 09:54 PM



for some reason when this gets posted the leading spaces get stripped so the format is messed up but enjoy anyhow!

Life can be lived
On an
Elevator
Easy and
Fast
Pushing buttons
Going from
Floor to floor
In an instantaneous
Instant

But me
I prefer taking the
Stairs
When I
Can
For if a spot seems good
I'd like to
Stop
Not rush
Past

But then I suppose
On an
Elevator
That the grove would be
But a blur before
Clouded
Eyes
Days may be harder on the stairs
But at least I
Set my own
Pace
Live on
My own
Time

Now and then I
Forget my
Stairs
Join the assembly
Line
For on the stairs
There's still need for
Shoes
Bread
Trinkets for my
Mind

But life is a
Long
Trip
And my stairs
Will be there
Waiting
Even if I
Never make it
Back


yup I'm still alive!

[This message has been edited by IsGona (edited 03-26-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 IsGona - All Rights Reserved
Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
1 posted 2001-03-26 10:17 PM


I thought it would have been better if I had an idea of where to stop and keep going with the flow. I didn't know where a sentence began or started or anything. I had to rely on my own interpretation of the pauses and the like. It kinda ruined the flow if you ask me.
Anyhow, I thought the poem itself rocked and the message was pretty great. I really like this one Jason.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

IsGona
Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723

2 posted 2001-03-26 10:20 PM


I know what you mean... I'm really bummed that the format got messed up... I'm going to see if I can fix it
you can always click the edit button above the poem to see it in the original format, but honestly I think the flow is just hard to find in this one. I did a poor job on it ... I just like what it says so...


[This message has been edited by IsGona (edited 03-26-2001).]

Child of the Stars
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Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
3 posted 2001-03-27 06:42 AM


Well, to be perfectly honest...yup I loved it. I read the whole thing like there was a room full of Jasons and each one had something to say, and they kinda overlapped each other...hehe I'm a bit strange, y'know. But yeah, good stuff in this one.
~Carly

"The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake."
- Leonardo da Vinci

Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
4 posted 2001-03-27 01:20 PM


Hey Jason!  Everyone, it's Jason!  
Yeah I noticed what Javier did about having to put it together myself... the only difference was I enjoyed it.  
Hope to see you a lot more often in here!
~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort


Jenn Cirrincione
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Member Elite
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
5 posted 2001-03-27 04:21 PM


Jason!!!! What's it been, a year??? You said to be honest, so I will. I've always thought you were a good writer, and I liked this one. I liked the message it portrays and the metaphors for life... but I don't think it's one of your best. Post more okay?!?!

Luv ya!!!
Jenn

"I'm a big, big, girl, in a big, big world, it's not a big, big thing if you leave me, but I do feel, that I will miss you much..." Emilia



LoveBug
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Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

6 posted 2001-03-27 04:34 PM


It's good to see you back! This is a wonderful piece, I love the metaphors that you use. This is an imporant message you give us. Thanks for sharing.

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

keoni
Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC
7 posted 2001-03-27 05:14 PM


I really,really liked this. I thought this was an excellent poem, but the flow was off. I know you said the format got messed up and I wish it didn't. That aside, I thought it was great.
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine

Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
8 posted 2001-03-28 04:46 PM


I think it would have flowed better with the format in which it was actually written.  But nice job..

--Marie

I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am.

Acies
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Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
9 posted 2001-04-06 06:00 PM


The start of the poem was awesome, but i think the last 2 stanzas kinda was like jumping into a different poem.  You could've mellow out the transition better.  But for most of it, it was an enjoyable read

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

IsGona
Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723

10 posted 2001-04-06 07:16 PM


Carly ~ you are amzing, you find the most creative ways to look at things.  Thx

Allan ~ I am thrilled that this poem was enjoyed by you. It means alot


Jenn ~ A year??? Well yeah just about huh?  I am super busy.  I wish I HAD more to post.  I don't seem to be writting as much anymore and what I do is mediocre at best.  But It's good to hear from a ya again, I'll try to visit more

LoveBug ~ Thanks, you are a gem

Jon ~ I am very apreciative of your comment.  Thank you

FadingAway ~ Thanks.  you are to kind.
I like your screene name by the way.  I've read a couple of your poems and it seems to fit into a central theme, or at least the ones I read.  Anyhow it's cool... I like it.

acirE ~ Thanks for the reply.  I hear what your saying.  It was like I tried to say to much all at once... I think that is where carly got her perspective of it from.  Thanks again

You guys are amazing
Keep up the good work
Jason


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