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Teen Poetry #4
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emptyness
Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 95
mobile,Ala,USA

0 posted 2001-03-26 08:46 PM


All day I set up walls of thick hard wood in sets of two
All night did I watch over you
Till dawn I kept the watch fires burning
For the beasts of the wood are forever watching
and learning
And this vigil watch will I keep forevermore
So that you wont be scared any more


"Cogito ergo sum"-I think, therefore I exist
"Optimi consiliarii mortui"-learn from the past
"Otia dant vitia"-the devil finds work for idle hands

© Copyright 2001 emptyness - All Rights Reserved
Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
1 posted 2001-03-26 09:12 PM


I thought you did well on this one. Keep it up because I liked this one and I'm hoping to see more soon!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

UnPumpkin
Junior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 18

2 posted 2001-03-26 10:18 PM


Bravo, mon ami. J'adore. J'adore toi.
Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
3 posted 2001-03-27 12:49 PM


Good job.  The rhyme at the end was a bit redundant though.  
Mais, j'adore aussi.  
~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort


Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
4 posted 2001-03-28 04:52 PM


This one was good... Keep posting, I would like to read more.  And Allan was right, the rhyme scheme could change in the end.

--Marie

I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am.

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
5 posted 2001-04-07 01:09 AM


ohhhh, that was good.  excellent job on this one my friend...i applaud  

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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