»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #4
»
I Don't Need You
| Teen Poetry #4 |
|
I Don't Need You |
|
DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA 
|
this one's pretty self-explanatory-i know its not good but i really needed to get all this out -=I Don't Need You=- how can you sit there and destroy me and expect me not to snap im sick of this, are you to blind to see? with every word you're tearing me apart and im trying not to lash out but ive wanted to from the start why cant you just let it all go and let me live my own life so I can take it nice and slow I think I've proven I dont need you you're no longer the Dad I love you're the one I thought I knew ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ [This message has been edited by DancinQueen (edited 03-26-2001).] |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Kiley - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Kiley... this is what I call raw poetic power. You had an impact in here that was achieved in the abrupcy of the last stanza... what a shock you set me up for. I sat back and said "whoa." Not a word of a lie!  The rhyme was pretty interesting, but the best part of this poem is, no doubt, its impact. Very well done here. Please don't show this to your father though... if I was the target of such a poem, it would be greatly hurtful. So talk to him instead. And if you need to talk to me, well hey, you can do that too!  ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
||
|
UnPumpkin Junior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 18 |
makes ya want to SCREAM sometimes, doesn't it? within your words, i feel your pain. That was the object of the effort, was it not? Achieved. |
||
|
luvnkris Member
since 2000-08-31
Posts 144Perth, Australia |
i sososo know what ur talking about! my Dad is so horrible sumtimes i just want to kill him (well not really - but close to!). i'm hearing ya! believe me! Luv Jo xoxo * never live a second without being grateful for all you have around you* |
||
|
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought you did well with your expression here. I hope things get better for you and your father.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
||
|
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is a good poem. I hope things aren't dangerously bad between you and your father... This is a meaningful poem, and I hope things get better. Nice job. --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
||
|
DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
thanks everyone ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
||
xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
You go girl!! LoL...This was a great poem and FULL of emotion. Im glad you got this out and im sorry that your father didnt turn out to the the type of father you thought you had. Either way u expressed your feelings great hun...keep these kinda poems comin. |
||
|
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
If your father is trying to get to know you, give him a chance. It may be hard, but nothing in life comes easy.....nothing. We might not agree all the time with what our parents tell us, but I honestly doubt that they mean to hurt us. Give him a chance. "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
||
|
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
i knoe exactly how u feelo coz i went through the same thing life is really unfair and we gotta deal wit that unfairness so stay strong and try healin the scars great poem u wrote there keep writin  |
||
|
fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Impressive. I liked the end. Quite a turn from what I'd thought it was. The rhyming is well dome too. Good writing. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
||
|
Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Ditto to them all, great job on this! "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
