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Teen Poetry #4
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Dark Omega
Junior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 17
SC, USA

0 posted 2001-03-25 10:54 PM


OK, my first poem was a humorous sort of thing just to warm up my mad writing skills. Well, in my opinion, my skills aren't as mad as I'd like them to be. More like.. slightly annoyed writing skills. Anyway, read this and tell me what you think.

“I love you… like a brother.”
“I love you… like a friend.”
Before I can start another…
Before I could begin again…
It’s already come to an end.

What is love?
The search for your soul mate?
What is love?
Why did I get turned down
before I asked her on a date?

Before I gave her an agonized look
I shrugged and looked away.
Does she realize how long it took
For me to try to win her heart
And have happiness for a day?

What is love?
Was love really what I thought?
What is love?
Can it all just be an illusion?
Why isn’t what I was taught?

That night I abandoned this emotion
This worthless waste of time, this love
I’ve lived a while without this notion
I won’t try to start over again
I’ve lost my ‘Noah’s little dove’

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work . . . I want to achieve it through not dying." -Woody Allen

© Copyright 2001 Ben Boswell - All Rights Reserved
Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
1 posted 2001-03-25 11:22 PM


I thought you did quite well here but lemme say.....don't give up on love man. Love is what hurt you, unrequited love is what got to you. The lack of love is the culprit, not love itself. You will trod on and you will survive this depressing period.
You'll make it, no worries.
Write on man......lovin it so far.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
2 posted 2001-03-25 11:58 PM


Tsk tsk, Javier...
Don't mind him, Ben. He likes giving foolish advice.
It may take awhile to get over this girl, perhaps what you were feeling never was love after all. But don't let this damage your self esteem any.
If she's no good to you, forget her. The first standard for any life mate should be that they respect you for who you are, let alone respect you at all.

Now for the poem...
I thought the way you put it together was excellent. You really displayed an interesting and unique sense of style in the mapping of each stanza. I give it two thumbs up.
Nice to see something serious from you.
~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort


Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733

3 posted 2001-03-26 04:45 PM


Aww Ben . Don't give up muchacho, things come when you least expect them... just look at me!! Who would've known....
Good job
Smile?

Bel

"And you're my obsession
I love you to the bones
And Ana wrecks your life
Like an anorexia life"
- "Ana's Song", Silverchair

Fading Away
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
4 posted 2001-03-26 06:07 PM


Aww... At the risk of sounding repetitive, don't give up! Great poem. Thanks for sharing, keep posting!

--Marie

I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am.

ethel lahootie
Member
since 2001-03-06
Posts 143
SC, USA
5 posted 2001-03-26 06:32 PM


dude this was good i liked... but dont b so sad things will get better...trust me...i think im well qualified enough to kno...newayz great...keep writing
jo

Dark Omega
Junior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 17
SC, USA
6 posted 2001-03-26 07:20 PM


Ah, once again.. I need to take a moment to deflate my head. ;-)

Anyway, I really appreciate the kind comments on my poem. Honestly, its the first REAL piece of poetry I've really ever written. As far as girl advice goes.. well, I'll live.

Anyway, I'll keep on writin'. See ya around!

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work . . . I want to achieve it through not dying." -Woody Allen

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
7 posted 2001-04-02 04:10 PM


Best advice I could give to you is you should never listen to either Dopey or Allan  
Just kidding lol  
One question that has no answer
it's been a mystery my friend
But as Dopey said, it's not having the love you desired that's hurting you right now and not love itself

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
8 posted 2001-04-02 07:21 PM


"what is love....baby dont hurt me no more...." sound familiar. lol.
this was a great poem. everyone is right.

regina

a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain

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