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Passions in Poetry

my favorite place

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banburycross
Senior Member
since 03-27-2001
Posts 1087
viginia


0 posted 04-03-2001 08:49 AM       View Profile for banburycross   Email banburycross   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for banburycross


i know that this poem could use a lot of work and i've revised it several times but it doesn't seem to want to turn itself into a good poem.  tell me what you think...

   velvet green engulfs my eyes, my mind,
   soft emerald cradles my spirit
   in gentle, delicate hands.
   bright yellows brush the surface,
   and warmth dances for my heart.
   my perception goes beyond my reflection,
   and i am dazzled
   by the brilliance and life that i find.
   it holds me fast,
   but i want no escape.
   my spirit walks the avenues
   of fragile, faithful light.
   i have everything i need,
   and it is in your eyes that i find my soul.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

© Copyright 2001 Peter - All Rights Reserved
Ina
Senior Member
since 10-09-2000
Posts 1331
Quebec, Canada


1 posted 04-03-2001 01:06 PM       View Profile for Ina   Email Ina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ina

Nice work. This actually was quiet good. the imagery was good. the flow was nice.
Regina

a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain

Marshalzu
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Member Elite
since 02-15-2001
Posts 4465
Lurking


2 posted 04-03-2001 04:00 PM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

I agree with Regina, this was good and I quite liked the imagery you used. Andrew.

" No Army can conquer a galaxy, yet faith alone can overturn the universe."

anonymous albert ?
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since 03-23-2001
Posts 4172


3 posted 04-03-2001 04:32 PM       View Profile for anonymous albert ?   Email anonymous albert ?   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymous albert ?

nice poem there
and of course it is a poem   i liked it
as all had said the imagery was well detailed
keep writin'  
Fading Away
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since 03-14-2001
Posts 4302
Lynchburg, Virginia


4 posted 04-03-2001 09:41 PM       View Profile for Fading Away   Email Fading Away   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Fading Away

Beautiful poem here, babe.  The imagery is great, and the flow is perfect.  I love it.. You already know that though.  Keep posting!

--Marie

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Dopey Dope
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since 08-30-2000
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San Juan, Puerto Rico


5 posted 04-03-2001 11:07 PM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

I thought the imagery in this poem rocked. It seems just fine, but I guess it could be better in some ways.....No idea how to make it better cuz then I'd write it myself, but it could be beter.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

AsBurYAnGel
Junior Member
since 04-03-2001
Posts 14
Virginia


6 posted 04-04-2001 10:02 PM       View Profile for AsBurYAnGel   Email AsBurYAnGel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for AsBurYAnGel

I really did like this. I hope to be able to read more.
Linc
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Senior Member
since 03-07-2001
Posts 705
The Backstreet Boy


7 posted 04-05-2001 01:57 PM       View Profile for Linc   Email Linc   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Linc

Hey,

    Its okay not your best from what I have seen but good never the less. Keep it up and until your next poem

     -- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Allan Riverwood
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since 01-04-2001
Posts 4212
Winnipeg


8 posted 04-15-2001 02:11 PM       View Profile for Allan Riverwood   Email Allan Riverwood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allan Riverwood

Ooh, this is a very unique poem.  I like the way you built up to the final line, with one single powerful message.  The way you introduced a second party not until the last line really accentuated the feelings of it.  It was almost a mystery...
Very creative, Ban.  I am completely impressed with the creative sense of this, but I will agree that it could have been better.  Maybe add a hint of rhyme or meter?  
It's worth a revision, if you are willing to give it the time.     But as is, I still think this is a great poem.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

Acies
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Twilight Zone


9 posted 05-08-2001 05:53 PM       View Profile for Acies   Email Acies   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Acies

Why try to turn this to a good poem when it already is a great poem.  I'm in awe with your style.  BRAVO!!!

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

SEA
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Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


10 posted 05-08-2001 06:00 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

this really is fantastic  
lonely*soul
Senior Member
since 04-05-2001
Posts 672
east haddam (moodus) ct :)


11 posted 05-08-2001 06:03 PM       View Profile for lonely*soul   Email lonely*soul   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for lonely*soul

good flow...good imagery...good poem!
      i liked it, awsome job!
           *KiMMiE*
anonymous albert ?
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since 03-23-2001
Posts 4172


12 posted 05-08-2001 06:39 PM       View Profile for anonymous albert ?   Email anonymous albert ?   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymous albert ?

i just felt like replying again cuz i read it gain and i liked the way its is..and i still think this is a nice and great poem..cya~

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

mistic
Member
since 05-06-2001
Posts 257
Idaho, U.S.A.


13 posted 05-08-2001 06:53 PM       View Profile for mistic   Email mistic   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for mistic

I really liked the imagery that you portrayed in this poem. It really sets the mood of it.
JBaker515
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since 02-28-2001
Posts 1262
Dartmouth College


14 posted 05-08-2001 06:54 PM       View Profile for JBaker515   Email JBaker515   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JBaker515

this to me was really awesome..
great write..
keep up the good work
:0

$ Jeff $   :  )

"If I'm not back in 5 minutes......just wait longer!"

"You may take our lives, but you'll never take our FREEDOM!

Fading Away
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since 03-14-2001
Posts 4302
Lynchburg, Virginia


15 posted 04-07-2006 06:51 PM       View Profile for Fading Away   Email Fading Away   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Fading Away

Wow... now this is a trip down memory lane.

I thought (and still think) that this poem is so very candidly written.  Thank you, banbury, for writing this and for ever thinking of me that way.  The beauty you portrayed in this poem is beyond most that I have previous experienced.  And painful or not, this memory is one that needed to be relived to be kept alive.  I thank you for that.

I miss you around here, and if you ever do get to read this know that I am thinking of you.

Everyone deserves to read this.  So I am bringing it back to the top.  Please enjoy... and know that there is an amazing person behind this poem.

Love,
Jennifer

((behind this fuzzy haze I can see that we are coffee and milk mixed, perfect, but not for everyone.))

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