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Teen Poetry #4
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What if?
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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What if? |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA 
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What if the ATM at the bank Is actually just a gamble and you're the luckiest person because everyone else's bills are blank? and they don't tell you just to keep you in line and nothing you know is true? if everything's not all fine? Or if the "cops" seeing if you speed are just drunks with glasses pointing hair dryers hoping to succeed because they dropped all their classes? what they say doesn't quell you it hurts like a tine and you just want to scream and yell if everything's not all fine? All those kids wearing sheets at night may not celebrate halloween as ghosts but maybe matresses in flight So NOW you have to decide what annoys you the most? just kind of a thought. Little humor, it's only a half hour work, so be gentle :-) "Some men see things as they are and say why. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Bryan W. Holmes - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
LOL... A half hour well spent.  Well I think that the tone was obviously light and humourous, but the message is an interesting one. Being one whose belief system circles around the dominance of the power of chance, I was affected by this piece. Truly, what if... yes, it is quite interesting. I thought this poem was pointing out not only chance, but the fact that some things we brush off as pure knowledge could be incorrect after all... that of everything we know, how can we ~really~ know it for sure? A very thought-provoking piece, Bryan. Excellent job. ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
yeah lol good half hour spent on this. good read keep it up*kiley ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Actually I enjoyed this very much. I really thought you did a great job on this. Quite interesting in every aspect and you flaunt your creativity within this piece. Nice.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
For a half hour, it's a good poem. Not the best I've read from you, but still a pretty good poem. Nice job. --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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~sugarpie313~ Member
since 2000-09-14
Posts 375Maine, USA |
nice one. kinda weird... but i like it none-the-less seemed weird to me cuz...well...this one wasn't about Danielle for a change *L*Valerie *Life can take your dreams and turn them upside down, Friends will talk about you when you're not around, but don't ever lose that light in your eyes* |
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luvnkris Member
since 2000-08-31
Posts 144Perth, Australia |
that was realli cool! it made me laugh with the thing about the cops with hair dryers! good stuff! Luv Jo xoxo * never live a second without being grateful for all you have around you* |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Very nice. You brought a massive grin to my face.  You've got me thinking about ATM's now...It's a conspiracy!! It's quite a clever little piece with lots of hidden messages. Nicely rhymed with a pretty good flow. I enjoyed this, Bryan. Thanks for the read. ~AF~ "It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory." |
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WaitN4AnAngel Junior Member
since 2001-03-08
Posts 37I wish I knew where I was... |
Good one! Made me smile, and I needed a god laugh! *Me* |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
very interesting concept... thanks for sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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